Dear New Mama,
Hello! Let me be the first to welcome you to motherhood! But you’re busy so let’s skip the pleasantries and get right to it. I know you’re in the middle of a gazillion tasks, like feeding your baby, trying to nap, quadruple checking your bottle sanitizer, or sneaking in that three-second shower you’ve been looking forward to all day.
First, I want to reassure you that baby vomit does wash out of most clothes
Second, I need you to know: It’s going to be OK. I’m giving you this latter nugget of been-there-done-that wisdom not to cheerlead you through this sleep-deprived phase, but because you need to know you’re going to be OK when a mistake happens. Somehow, this key piece of wisdom was left out of the parenting manuals I skimmed and left unsaid when moms gave me their best tips. This important piece of knowledge could’ve saved me some wild nights of worry, so let me pay it forward.
When my son was born, I assumed my parenting instincts would be born with him
I mean, we’d been very attached for nine months, so I figured this level of closeness would continue to connect us. While I did feel a big, indescribable love for my newborn, I was completely surprised to feel no mysterious intuition guiding me down the perfect momming path.
Where was that booming inner voice reminding me to actually put diapers in the diaper per bag or tell me my son loved bouncing instead of the rocking to help him self-soothe? I was making mistakes and messing up motherhood.
The thought that I was ruining this whole mom gig played on repeat in my head. It magnified every tiny slip up I made — like with the burping. When my newborn was first born, he burped easily with a few gentle pats. Then, all of a sudden, my infant was a wailing heap of tears when I tried to burp him. How could I possibly get this wrong? I was having serious thoughts about throwing in the burp cloth.
That’s why I want to tell you this little secret: Don’t panic
It’s OK if you don’t find the best way to burp, bathe, or feed the first time around. It took a little trial and error, but I found out my little guy had moved on from those soft pats to a sturdy tap. Surprisingly, all those tiny mistakes weren’t that bad. They were my guide to finding our final working solution.
Until I learned this important parenting lesson, the pressure I put on myself to nail every mom skill the very first time was more constricting than that sling wrap I tried. This constant blame only created more stress for both me and my baby and I forgot that my kid and I were supposed to be team.
My little guy always let me know what worked best for him — I just needed to pay attention
So, new mom, if you’ve just skipped ahead to the end here because your eyes have given out while reading this during your 4 a.m. feeding, here’s the deal: It’s OK to be OK with the trial-and-error process of motherhood. Treat yourself with kindness, make a mistake, regroup, and then try again — because the answer isn’t in being the perfect mother, the answer is in the trying.
Much love,
A Mom’s Who’s Been There
