What to Know
One mom was away from home for a four-day trip and came home to children who looked like they hadn’t seen soap—or supervision—since she left. Her TikTok recap of the chaos is equal parts relatable and infuriating, and it’s kicking up yet another conversation about why dads still get a free pass for bare-minimum parenting.
“I left my husband and kids for 4 days and this is how I came home to them,” TikTok user Ku’uipo Dawn begins the video.
The rest of the clip shows her kids in clothing that isn’t weather-appropriate, unwashed and unbrushed hair still in the same style Mom did before she left, and the two older kids had food and dirt smudges all over their faces.
By the end of the trip, all the kids had boogers and Dawn's husband looked "homeless."
On those all-too-rare occasions when mom is out of town, no one expects perfection—but four days without a bath or even running a brush through a child’s hair isn’t just a funny “dad fail,” it’s a sign of a bigger problem.
Kids deserve basic care and consistency, and showing up for them means more than just keeping them alive until Mom walks back through the door. When a daughter’s hair goes untouched for days or the kids are visibly messy, it sends the message that their comfort and routines only matter when Mom is home.
That’s not fair to them, and it certainly shouldn’t be the standard we shrug off as normal. And YET.
Lots of people shared their opinion in the comments section of the video and via stitches on TikTok as well.
“So…. They were neglected?” reads one top comment.
“Aww, he punished you for going away. That’s cute,” another said.
Other comments urged her to save the video for a “judge to see” during an eventual custody agreement, and called out the weaponized incompetence on full display here for not being funny. Many commenters agreed it shouldn’t be defended either, regardless of whether she says he’s a “great dad” or not.
“If it were a babysitter, they’d be FIRED. Good thing it’s just their actual parent,” someone else chimed in.
“I’ve left my husband with my daughter for a weekend before. She was bathed, dressed in appropriate clothing, her hair was brushed, house was tidy, and they had a great time! This is not the flex you think it is,” another mom shared.
We need to stop excusing bare minimum parenting.
Weaponized incompetence is currently a very popular phrase in regard to dads, because it shows up in a lot of cishet marriages with kids.
It’s the “I don’t know how to do her hair,” “You’re better at organizing,” or “I tried, but the kids wouldn’t listen to me” routine that leaves moms carrying the invisible labor and daily logistics of running a household despite the fact that their partners are actually competent.
They just don’t want to do what they don’t want to do, even at the expense of their own kids. It’s not harmless—it breeds resentment, burnout, and a completely lopsided family dynamic.
And eventually, yes, the kids take note.
Dawn followed up with a video where she attempts to respond to the negative reaction her video ignited. Her trip apparently coincided with the anniversary of her husband’s brother’s death, and the week was—understandably—emotionally charged for him.
As many commenters still pointed out, that’s not an “excuse for neglect.”
“I am so sorry for your loss, truly. But in the kindest way possible this seems like damage control. I also went through a very traumatic experience last year and my children were still well taken care of in all aspects. There’s just really no excuse,” one person wrote.
Dawn responded, saying her kids are still “well taken care of” and doesn’t understand why people don’t agree.
At the end of the day, no one expects dads to parent exactly like moms do—but kids deserve two fully engaged caregivers, not one default parent and one stand-in.
Moments like these aren’t just “funny TikTok content”; they’re reminders that families thrive when responsibility is shared, not shifted. And while it’s absolutely okay for parents to have different strengths, it’s not okay for one partner to opt out of the basics.
