Yesterday, my family attended an outdoor, socially distanced, and 100% masked gathering for my niece’s second birthday. She got a lot of fun toys, but of course, Grandma’s gift was the best — a Barbie dream house! She immediately started playing with it. As I chatted with my family and ate cake, I noticed how this little 2-year-old sat and played intently with her new Barbie house for a good 20 minutes, and only stopped because we interrupted her to say goodbye at the end of the party.
Meanwhile, when we got home, my 5-year-old — an only child — struggled to find anything to do with her time.
“Mommy, can I play on your phone?”
“No,” I said, trying to get the kitchen cleaned up. “You had your screen time today.”
She amused herself for about three minutes, petting and playing with the cat, but was back in the kitchen right after.
“Mom, let’s play Yeti in My Spaghetti.”
“I can’t right now, honey, I’m getting dinner ready. Do you want to help?”
“No…”
She wandered over to the living room and tried to turn on the TV, even though I’d told her no more screens until we watched a movie together before bed. I looked around our basement area. My daughter has a whole room devoted to her toys. She also has a desk and a cabinet set aside as her “makerspace” for all kinds of crazy art projects. And yet, I can’t get her to play or create by herself with the same intensity as her 2-year-old cousin!
There are some things I think I'm doing really well
I’ve set up a great environment for her to be more independent in her play. She has her own space to make a huge mess, and it’s no problem — I've deliberately created a blind spot in my mind for that area regarding cleaning. She has materials galore and plenty of inspiration.
My daughter also has a great many toys that provide opportunities for open-ended play: dolls, a kitchen, food, costumes, Legos, and toy cars. She has an entire room in the basement available with a multitude of toys to play with. This is another area that can be messy, and I’m not going to get bent out of shape about it.
I’ve also gotten better about not jumping to solve all of her problems or accommodate every request. If she can’t find a toy, I ask her to either keep looking or choose something else. Half the time when she asks for help with something, it’s because she wants my attention, not that she needs help with it. She definitely needs to understand that I’m not always at her beck and call.
However, there are some tips I’ve read about that I need to work on — ASAP
First, I need to stop interrupting her. I have ADHD, so if I remember something I need to tell her, or find something that she needs to put away, I have to tell her that minute or I'll forget. I think I need to start writing these down on a Post-It and having her check the to-do list when she’s finished playing so I don't constantly stop her flow of play.
I also need to let her keep practicing playing solo. There’s no reason to expect that my 5-year-old will magically grasp the idea of independent play the first time. But, I’ve realized through my ADHD that I’m an all-or-nothing type of person. If something doesn’t work the first time, I’m off on my way looking for something that will. What I really need to do is give her
time and repeated practices before I give up and let her turn on the TV.
All this is to say, it's definitely a work in progress
Right now we’re in school, but based on current COVID-19 numbers, it might not be for long. My goal is to get her ready to play independently so that when we’re home together, she can entertain herself so Mommy can get some remote work done. Here’s to blessing the mess.
