It’s a Tuesday morning in my household. At 6:15, the alarm on my phone rings. I wake up, and pick up my phone to switch it off. I lie in bed for a moment, and open up all of the apps I need in order to function. There’s my personal calendar, my work calendar, my family calendar, my three to-do list makers, and my checklist game, Habitica. As I scroll through these and mentally prepare for my day, I notice I have social media notifications. Almost against my will, my finger taps on them and I scroll through all my likes and comments. Hey, I wonder what Patrick is up to these days. He posted some pictures that look like they were taken in Estes Park. I should check his feed…
Oh, crap! It’s 6:30 now. OK, off I go. I wake up my daughter and start getting the two of us ready. After we’re done showering, my husband comes into the bathroom while we’re doing our hair.
“Hey, did you happen to pick up the dry cleaning?” he asks tentatively.
“Shoot. No. I forgot again.”
I knew there was a reason that alarm went off yesterday afternoon, but I couldn’t remember why. I have got to start remembering to label my alarms, otherwise they’re no help. I try to say sorry, and my husband says it’s OK, but I know he’s annoyed. And why not? That dry cleaning has been waiting for us for like two weeks, and I’m the only one who can get there after work before the store closes.
My daughter and I race off to school with minutes to spare. We forgot to pack lunches the night before (in her defense, she’s in kindergarten), so it’s cafeteria food for us again…
Let’s pause for a second
Take that morning, which for the average person could just be chalked up to a bad day or a rough start. Now imagine that’s how every morning starts. That’s my life. That’s how it is all day at work for me, too. Then, when I get home, I want to collapse, even though there are a million chores to do and little things to take care of. It’s so overwhelming that I don’t even know where to start.
For so long, I thought this was just life as a busy working mother and school teacher. I adapted in any way I could. I began to rely heavily on reminder apps, digital calendars, and assistants like Google Home.
These things help, but they’re not foolproof. The fool is me — even if you set 20 reminders, it doesn’t help if you forgot to put on the notification the details you needed to complete the task. And no app is going to magically make it possible for me to know where to start on a huge project or pile of housework. I get frozen, lost, unable to prioritize what’s important.
Turns out, these are not just symptoms of my life situation. I was complaining to a friend one day about how hard it was for me to get things done, when she said, “Y’know, that sounds like my sister before she got her ADHD diagnosis.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing
How could I have ADHD?
“I’ve worked in schools for 12 years,” I said. “I know what ADHD looks like. Kids bouncing off the walls, can’t keep their mouths shut — I mean, come on, I have a masters degree. If I had ADHD, how could I have accomplished that?”
Even though I’d brushed off my friend’s concerns, I was still very curious. What if she was right? I joined a couple of Facebook groups for adults with ADHD and executive functioning struggles. So many of the posts were incredibly relatable! These folks, who had been diagnosed with ADHD as adults, sounded like they were struggling with the same things I battled against.
I decided to speak to my therapist about it. She agreed that I had many of the symptoms and referred me to a psychiatrist for testing. During my initial questionnaire and interview, the doctor asked me about how the school experience had been for me as a child.
I realized that while I wasn’t blurting out or bouncing off the walls, I was often completely disengaged from classes I thought were boring. However, I was intellectually advanced enough that I could get along well without paying much attention. I wasn’t going to blurt out or bounce around because I was very aware of my social surroundings. Turns out, girls with attention disorders don’t manifest the same symptoms as boys, and their symptoms are so much more subtle and less disruptive that they are often never diagnosed.
It all made so much sense
All those hours of lectures where I drew pages and pages of comics instead of taking notes, yet still did fine on the tests. The classes where I read romance novels under my desk. All those college classes I skipped because I couldn’t listen, and I knew that I’d get more from reading the book and talking to peers anyway. I was lucky enough that I was able to adapt and exert some level of self-control, because my desire to succeed was, thankfully, stronger than the crippling symptoms of my learning disorder.
However, my time as a student is over, and I could not for the life of me come up with ways to mitigate ADHD’s effects on my ability to be a full partner to my husband or a responsible mom for my daughter.
It’s going to be a long road, but with this diagnosis, I’m excited to try some treatment strategies. I’m going to begin with medication, and continue to research executive-functioning “hacks” to keep life running smoothly. This experience has certainly opened up my eyes and will directly inform my teaching as well.
If my typical morning sounds like yours, don’t hesitate to contact a healthcare professional and talk to them about ADHD. Just don’t forget to set a reminder on your phone and label it!
