It’s almost that time of year again.
That time of year when love is in the air, sugar is in the belly, and smiles are on faces. (Well, smiles and tears, that is.)
It’s no secret that Valentine’s Day is an emotional holiday for a lot of folks. And not just the love emotions but a lot of other feelings too — feelings like sadness, anger, bitterness, loss, and depression are also emotions synonymous with this holiday of hearts.
In recent years, it seems that more effort has been put on marketing February 14 as a day of kindness and other forms of love like friendship, love between families, and even our love for our pets. It would seem safe to say that this new focus on platonic love has made this holiday even more kid-friendly, but as a teacher, I can say that’s not entirely true.
Every year, I send that list home
The list of all the names of the kids in the class. While we don’t always have a party, it is inevitable that kids want to bring Valentines and I’m not about to stop them. You’d think that this would just be a fun day, full of cheap treats and sugar highs. But there are always tears.
Here’s why:
Kids leave each other out — plain and simple.
On purpose or by accident, it happens all the time. It might be something as small as choosing the cutest Valentine for their best friend or something as blatant as bringing special presents or flowers for a specific few in the class.
It appears that kids are just being nice
They are being generous. They are being sweet. Perhaps it’s not meant with malice at all, but I suspect that these kids know full well what they’re doing. When kids publicly single out their chosen-few friends by presenting them with something different, something better, it’s just a sneaky way of flaunting friendships that the others so desperately desire.
Valentine’s Day is just another opportunity for the popular kids to show the unpopular kids that they are still left out.
I might sound jaded. I might sound like I’m taking a sweet gesture between friends and turning into something ugly. But I see what I see — and so does the rest of the class.
Kids notice everything. If the most popular girl in the class silently puts a box of chocolates or even a bigger card on a few of her friends’ desks, you better bet that every single kid who didn’t receive one — but desperately wanted one — notices.
They notice
And they feel bad. So, as Valentine’s Day approaches and you make that obligatory trip to Target to select this year’s Valentines of choice, resist the urge to give in when your kid asks to get her best friends something special. Use it as a little opportunity to teach equity and feelings, and making everyone feel special and wanted.
Then, maybe grab Starbucks gift card and a little box of chocolates for the teacher. They are the one exception to this rule and they deserve it!
