"Kiss me."
"Be mine."
"I'm wild for you."
WTH, kids? Or maybe I should say WTH, "Valentine's card manufacturers who make these messages for children?" This mother is seriously confused about all the cheeky romance swirling in elementary school these days.
Valentine's Day is one of my favorite holidays, but part of me remembers it laced with all sorts of stress as a child — candy hearts with messages that made me blush, cards with big puckered lips, that red rose and white teddy bear that Matthew gave me in the 5th grade to profess his crush on me — in front of everyone! on the playground! — that embarrassed my shy self beyond what I thought I could feel at that time in my life.
I'd buy a box of premade cards with my mom at the store and then strategically decide which ones would be addressed to who so that no one would in my class would accidentally get a "Kiss me" and make fun of me or feel embarrassed that I gave it to them.
I even thought it was weird back then
Why are kids giving grown-up messages to friends? Now, as a mom, I think it's absolutely nuts. What kid wants to pass out romantic notes to classmates? Not mine. Not even if Harry Potter spells out "I have a giant crush on you" with a magic wand.
Why are romantic cards for kids still a thing and why haven't we jumped on some kind digital call-to-action to keep February 14 age-appropriate at school?
I asked my kids to check my drama:
"Do classmates like each other as boyfriends and girlfriends?" I asked my 9- and almost-8-year-olds. "Not really," they say.
"What about Ali liking Brett?" I insisted, based on firsthand intel from last year.
"No, that's over," my older one said.
"Do you know if any boys have a crush on you?" I smiled. She rolled her eyes.
"No, Mommy, it's not like that at school." (*It's not like that yet*, I thought to myself with relief.)
"So, are you going to give that 'I've got a giant crush on you' Valentine to anyone in your class?"
Her face gasped, "No! I'm throwing those ones away!"
Then my little one piped up with a grandiose confession: "I think Preston likes me!" she exclaimed in a panic and then covered her face with her hands.
I laughed, but remembered all too well how I felt about little Matthew and his recess surprise for me.
"What if he gives me a card with kissing on it?! What do I do?!" she cried.
I almost laughed
"You say 'thank you' and be nice — as a friend. And no one is going to kiss anyone." I smiled through my words but understood her stress.
All part of growing up, yes, and it's adorable, but …
Yes, it's a holiday about love, but for kids it should be all about friendship, kindness, respect for others, confidence to be yourself (self-love, right there!), and positive happiness with people in your life — not worrying if you're going to get a note that says "Kiss me" right before recess.
Parents seem to constantly wonder why our kids are growing up too fast — perhaps this has something to do with it?
Since there isn't yet a callout against romantic content in kids' cards yet, I propose we all make a vow together, as moms, to fix this silly but sometimes stressful day in our kids' lives.
Repeat after me:
I will not let my elementary-aged child distribute Valentines that will make another kid feel awkward about romance — even if we think it's hilarious to do so.
I will not encourage my elementary son/daughter to put another child on the spot, in front of others, by presenting any kind of surprise involving the words "I'm crushing on you," "Kiss me, you fool," or "Be mine" — even if we think it's "oh-so-sweet because OMG they have a crush!"
Too prudish? Maybe. Or maybe I just want my kids to be kids while they still are kids.
Elementary school is for building friendships, not romantic relationships. Join me and ditch the smoochy-kissy messaging for children this year. I'll love you forever if you do.
XOXO
(Names have been changed throughout.)
