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Andrea, a successful single woman from Maryland, was in her mid 30s when she made a decision. “I wanted to be a mom, and I got to an age where I thought it wasn’t going to happen in other ways,” she told Mom.com. She looked into international adoption and also domestic adoption, but “didn’t think it was a good option given how expensive it is. I’ve since learned that maybe wasn’t true….” She instead looked into becoming a foster parent and now, more than a decade later, she has a 12-year-old daughter she adopted from foster care and is in the process of trying to adopt a baby through domestic adoption.
What should a single person take into consideration before adopting?
More than 15,000 single women and 2,000 single men adopted through foster care in 2017, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’
Children’s Bureau. Other adoption information is harder to track because data from private adoption agencies is not formally collected like it is with international adoption or foster adoption. What is known is that more than 400,000 kids were in the foster care system in 2019, and more than 122,000 were waiting for an adoption. And the COVID-19 crisis has only exacerbated the situation.
State child welfare agencies welcome female and male single parents for foster care and adoption, according to the Children’s Bureau. And it’s not really an issue in domestic adoption, Danielle Riley told Mom.com. She is an adoption coordinator for A Rainbow’s End Adoption Services,, which
is an adoption facilitator in Huntington Beach, CA, and she is also an adoptee. It really depends on what the birth mother is looking for.
“I have moms who are completely open and say, ‘Give me any type of profile,’” Riley said. “And I have moms who say no single moms.”
There are many things to consider, though, when adopting as a single person. It’s important to have a support system in place for the roller coaster ride it can be when adopting a child, Riley said. The Children’s Bureau recommends asking yourself if you have support from family and friends, are there people you can call if you need help, and will they be accepting if the adopted child is of a different race or culture.
Adopting as an unmarried couple
Adoption laws vary from state to state. Any single person and married couple can adopt a child in general. But if you are an unmarried couple, it gets complicated. Twenty states including Ohio and Florida require couples to be married, according to the Children’s Bureau. In Arizona, which is one of the 20 states, the state also requires that a married couple be given preference over a single person.
Because of the gray areas and the differences with the laws in each state, it can be harder for unmarried couples to adopt. The domestic adoption agency American Adoptions requires that all couples be married for two years.
LGBTQ adoption: The laws and your rights
More and more gay and lesbian couples are adopting. Currently, 4% of adopted kids and 3% of foster children are being raised by same-sex couples, according to American Adoption.
As of June 2017, adoption by same sex couples is legal in all 50 states. But 11 states allow for state-licensed child welfare agencies to deny services and adoption based on sexual orientation and gender identity if it conflicts with their religious beliefs. And 20 states don’t have any protections against discrimination in foster care or adoption, according to Movement Advancement Project.
The Supreme Court is expected to rule next summer on a case that could change the adoption rights of same sex couples. In 2018, Catholic Social Services sued the City of Philadelphia after it stopped contracting with the organization because CSS wouldn’t consider same-sex couples for adoption of foster children. The case was heard before the Supreme Court on Nov. 4, 2020, and after arguments it appears that the court could side with CSS, according to the Associated Press.
If the court rules in favor of Catholic Services, it could be devastating for LGBTQ parents seeking to adopt, Leslie Cooper, deputy director of the American Civil Liberties Union's LGBT and HIV Project, told NBC News. “LGBT people would face discrimination in every state in the country, because many states partner with private agencies.”
Human Rights Campaign has a list of child welfare agencies that work with the LGBTQ community with foster care and adoptive parents. Riley works with many same-sex couples interested in adoption at A Rainbow’s End, and California is one of 25 states that prohibits discrimination against same-sex couples in adoption and in foster care.
“I feel people are so open-minded now – maybe because we’re in California,” she said. “I don’t feel there are a lot of hurdles.”
