A recent post in Reddit's "Am I The A——" forum has left thousands of people both shocked and furious at the anonymous poster. In it, the unnamed woman posed a question about something she's been contemplating: Would she be wrong to ask her friend to return the baby shower gift she gave her in light of the friend's recent miscarriage?
"I know this sounds awful and I feel like it might be a terrible thing to do so I need some advice," the poster admitted.
And boy, did Reddit have some advice to offer up …
More from Mom.com: First-Time Mom Sparks Honest Convo About MILs After Feeling Unspported
Most people reacted to the poster's question with the same answer
Yes, she would be an A-hole if she did something like that.
"YTA it was a gift," wrote one commenter. "It shouldn't come with terms and conditions. You gave it away. It's gone."
"It would be the height of insensitivity and rudeness to ask for it back — whatever the reason," added someone else.
The poster did try to offer a backstory to explain herself
(Not that it did her any good.)
For starters, she said the friend in question was really her husband's friend, Jen, who's been a longtime family acquaintance.
"Jen and I aren't friends at all but we are friendly when we see each other," the poster explained. "When Jen had her first kid my husband purchased a fairly expensive item off of her baby shower registry as a gift (around $200-$300 if I recall correctly). I had no issue with the gift or how much he spent, it was a nice item to gift her and we were excited for her to grow her family with her then boyfriend now husband."
"Fast-forward a few years, [and] Jen and her husband are [now] high earners (both making over 6 figures)," the poster went on. "Jen announced she was pregnant again very early along and sent my husband her baby shower registry with her announcement text which was full of high-priced items."
Right away, the poster thought that was a bit strange
In her mind, this wasn't Jen's first baby and she should still have most of the items from her first kid. She also didn't think people usually did "full-blown baby showers" or elaborate registries after having their first kid.
"I was also surprised she was asking for gifts when she was still in the first trimester, but I'm a cautious person who didn't announce my pregnancy until 20 weeks which I know is extreme on the other side," the poster shared.
Ultimately, she left the gift-giving up to her husband, since it was really his friend anyway.
The poster says her husband wound up spending about $400 on the gift
She even says this was "fine with me" at the time. But just a few weeks later, Jen suffered a traumatic miscarriage.
"I won't get into the details, but she was devastated and the cause of the loss likely means she won't be able to carry future pregnancies to term," the poster shared. "It's incredibly sad and while I'm not close with Jen, my heart hurt for her."
More from Mom.com: 15 Baby Shower Figts for the Second-Time Mom
That said, the issue of the gift was still on her mind
And apparently, it was also on her husband's.
"It's been a few months since her loss and my husband is now unsure of how to navigate the gift," the poster wrote. "It's not something she can use for her older kid. Asking her to return the gift seems cruel, like adding a chore onto her grief, and it's probably past the return window anyway."
"I'm also not sure if she's going to keep trying to have more kids (very risky for the baby and herself) and it seems incredibly insensitive to ask, plus she may not have decided yet," the woman went on. "Asking her to pay us back for it also seems very cruel. My husband and I are also decently high earners but $400 is still a lot of money. It's one thing if she's able to get a few years of use out of the item, that's money well spent. But if it's going to sit in a box in her attic for years … that's where we are getting stuck."
Over the past week, the post has been flooded with some pretty intense responses
Most people couldn't believe this was even a thought in the woman's mind. Others were appalled that she would admit this out loud (even to a bunch of strangers).
"You chose to spend much money. You absolutely didn't have to," one person told her. "There's no tactful way to ask for it back."
"If you had gifted her child a bike or an expensive dolls house, and the kid died just before their birthday, would you ask for the gift back?" another person questioned. "In my mind, it’s the same thing."
"YTA," another person said point-blank. "'Sorry about your miscarriage, can I have my gift back?' Really?"
Ultimately, the poster heard her critics loud and clear
And although she's since deleted her throwaway account, the anonymous woman did update her original post with some final thoughts.
"I appreciate the feedback I've gotten," she told the group, before clarifying that she and her husband would not be asking Jen about the gift. "We don't want to make her feel worse than she already is. Given her statements in the past regarding adoption, I doubt she will find alternative ways to have another child if she is unable to do so biologically. But that's her path to walk. If she doesn't use it. I hope she at least donates the item to someone who needs it."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
