First-Time Mom Sparks Honest Convo About MILs After Feeling Unsupported

"Are you complimented or receiving positive reinforcement from your MIL for how you’re doing as a new mom?" the poster asked before requesting a simple yes or no response and a bit of context, if possible.

"My answer is: No and I’m confused why this is so," the new mom admitted.

"I only just recently took notice of it and can’t tell if I’m being paranoid for what it means that she doesn’t offer me ANY praise or vocal support of the job I’m doing since my LO was born 5 months ago," the poster continued. "And I spend a considerable amount of time with my MIL. Slightly more than my own mother, because my MIL is retired."

She doesn't need her MIL to applaud her every move, nor does she feel "entitled to compliments" on her parenting. But there's just something about her MIL's behavior that's left her feeling a bit … discouraged.

"My MIL doesn’t seem proud or pleased with how I’m doing," the new mom explained. "She doesn’t criticize the job I’m doing [exactly], though she does offer suggestions and advice and clearly takes an interest in my mothering."

"Her feedback is just always constructive if offered, never 'good job' or some variation [of that]," the poster continued.

In addition to having four children of her own, the MIL also has a great deal of grandbabies that she's cared for.

That said, no one else in the family is in the same position as she is right now.

"All her three sons have children … but none of their children are babies so I don’t have a fresh perspective on how she interacted with my SILs then," the mother explained. "My husband’s sister has also expressed wanting children eventually, but she’s currently single and doesn’t seem in a rush to family plan."

In fact, she admits that she's let it get to her on numerous occasions, including on Mother’s Day when her MIL didn’t so much as hand her a card.

It struck the poster as strange since the MIL is typically very thoughtful when it comes to cards and gifts on holidays. But instead, she just hugged her daughter-in-law tight and wished her a happy Mother’s Day. Then she gave the baby a few outfits from her recent trip with friends.

"Meanwhile, me and my husband showered her with standard Mother’s Day fare — flowers, coffee, wine, an art piece she collects, and a card," the new mom shared.

"I’m just a little hurt realizing she might like me less than I thought or we aren’t as close as I thought and it took motherhood for me to realize it," the new mom shared.

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And, as it turned out, this mama was far from alone.

"Now that I’m thinking about it … no," one person said about their MIL's praise. "But she isn’t one to express herself in the first place. My mom has been very affirming though. Maybe that’s why it’s been hard for me to connect with her."

"Lol no," added someone else. "I can’t imagine a compliment coming out of my MIL's mouth, she’s more of a 80/90’s bad baby advice giver."

"Yeah weird, now that you mention it no one affirms my parenting except a friend and my sister-in-law," another mom confessed.

"My MIL has become really judgmental and opinionated since I had my daughter six months ago," one mom shared. "All of my family and friends and healthcare professionals have been so supportive and complimentary except for her. It really affected my confidence for the longest time and has sadly spoiled our relationship."

Another commenter said their MIL has turned into a "monster" post-baby.

"She thought she was going to play do-over mom when I had my baby. Anytime she’s asked me how I’m doing … and I would mention if I struggled with sleep/breastfeeding, she would tell me I’m not the only woman in the world who did it and how her generation had it so much harder," someone said.

Plenty of moms said that their MILs were actually pretty great.

"My MIL told people I was a better mom than she ever was (not true) and complimented me often," one user wrote. "She often questioned me, but it was to truly learn, not to criticize. Once taught, she did it our way."

"Aside from my husband and our pediatrician, my MIL was one of the only people who told me I was doing a good job when I was going through PPD," another mom shared.

At the same time, a few people argued that maybe a lack of praise or compliments isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes people show their love and support in other nonverbal ways.

"My mom and I are super close and she has never said anything like 'you're a great mom,' but I also didn't expect her to," one person pointed out. "I think this might be cultural/family differences, but she supports us in other ways. It wouldn't occur to me for her to compliment me. I guess I just assume she thinks I am a good parent and same for my MIL, although we are less close."

While there doesn't appear to be any updates from the poster, this certainly is food for thought — not just for this mama, but for all mamas who may be in the same boat.