What to Know
When a man took to Threads to ponder the grave tactical error of dads baby-wearing in public — because what if a criminal appears, apparently like a Pokémon encounter — the internet did what it does best: absolutely lost it. In his mind, a father with a newborn strapped to his chest is essentially a sitting duck, helplessly waddling through Target while danger lurks behind the seasonal candles.
The baby carrier, he suggested, renders dads incapable of defending their families, as if the mere presence of a sleeping infant instantly disables all limbs, instincts, and basic human problem-solving skills.
Don’t believe me? Read it for yourself.
View on Threads
“As cute as this might look to most women and yes, it’s a blessing to have present fathers who love their kids,” the post says. “I do have to pose a question about fathers who carry their newborns like this in public. What would happen if the family was to be attracted by a criminal? How would the father defend his family with the child pretty much glued to his chest?”
Dude…wut?
We love it when everyone gets in on the joke.
Parents were quick to point out that this scenario assumes criminals are roaming suburban sidewalks waiting to strike — and that they are somehow specifically emboldened by ergonomic baby wraps. Many noted that if a criminal were truly casing a family, the dad confidently walking around with a baby Velcroed to his torso might actually be the least appealing target.
(Hard to flee a crime scene when a man is already carrying a human shield of bodily fluids, snacks, and unpredictable screaming.)
LOLOLOLOL.
But seriously, let’s keep our weird thoughts to ourselves.
Others gently reminded the original poster that babies are, in fact, not optional accessories that can simply be set down in case of emergency like a gym bag. If danger strikes, most parents aren’t thinking, “Ah yes, my combat stance,” but rather, “Protect the baby at all costs.” Which, coincidentally, is exactly what baby-wearing is designed to do. Secure the infant. Keep hands mostly free. Avoid dropping said infant during chaos. Revolutionary stuff.
Ultimately, the thread became less about personal safety and more about the internet’s enduring talent for inventing problems where none exist. Because if dads had to choose between bonding with their newborns and preparing for a hypothetical action-movie ambush in the frozen foods aisle, most parents would still pick the carrier.
Criminals may come and go — but a well-snuggled baby, peacefully snoozing on dad’s chest? That’s a threat no one is prepared for.
