I recently learned that Father’s Day wasn’t made a holiday until 1972, 58 years after Mother’s Day was made official. When I read that, I thought about what the reasons may have been for the gap. Mothers are often the glue for the family while the father traditionally is the breadwinner. But those roles have evolved and continue to evolve, and we know and understand the profound importance of a father’s love for a child. It is an anchor and a bedrock, especially when the father is loving and engaged in the upbringing of the child.
Father's Day is a holiday to celebrate the fathers and the good men in our lives that have had a great influence on their families, especially their children. In my new book When Your Hand Is in the Lion’s Mouth: The Life and Wisdom of a Man named Green, I share some of the wisdom and life lessons my 96-year-old father gave to me and my siblings, and the profound love and foundations he set for our family. It has been monumental in my life to have the blessing of a great dad — but not everyone gets that.
So, the question is: How can you be a great father if you were not given one?
My dad says life is one of the greatest teachers — it can show you what you want and gives you opportunities to become that. If there are examples of good men around you, latch on to them and learn from their example and how they live and nurture the ones they love.
Being a father is not in just the creation of a human but in the pouring of love and learning into the daily life of that child or children. It is showing up and wiping snotty noses, calming fears, giving hugs, dispensing discipline, providing safety, helping make a peaceful home, teaching kindness, nurturing their individuality, being available, and lighting up every time they walk into a room. The confidence woven into their lives can be born out of that kind of fatherly love and in doing those simple good things, a father transforms into Daddy.
My father taught my siblings and I four foundations of life:
• Love will always win
• We are not destined to become something simply because of our circumstances or the way we were raised
• We are not defined by what happened to us
• With grit, humor, and faith, we can all travel together through this miraculous thing called life
My dad has lived most of his life with his hand in the lion’s mouth
My father was born a Black man in the rural South, and there was always the desire for a better life and big dreams against the lion’s trampling oppression during the Jim Crow era. Watching his parents and other siblings navigate a way forward to become independent of the systems that held them in a place of inferiority somehow didn’t leave him bitter — it made him better. He lived through and witnessed times I’ve barely read about in our history books, but in honoring his name and his family, he embodies the best of us.
It is my wish that every girl and child could have had a dad like the one I was given. But even if you didn’t have that kind of dad, you can still celebrate the good, kind men who showed you that it was possible.
