It happens every day of my life: the straightening, putting away, and making sure there’s no clutter or dirt around my house. I’ve dragged myself off the sofa when I’ve been sick. I picked up my kids’ dishes and clothes right after I asked them to do it because they didn’t get to it fast enough. I’ve been late to an appointment because I had to make the bed or run the vacuum.
There are mornings when I look around my house and I know full well I see more dirt on the floor than there actually is. And don’t get me started about trying to sit down and work from home. There’s a pile of mail, or the trash needs to be taken out.
When people come over they say things like, ”How do you do it?” It’s at the point where I’m embarrassed of my clean house because I know the measures I go through to keep it that way. I used to feel like I had to tone it down and act like I wasn’t sure what they were talking about. I didn’t know how to handle the comments about my clean house because I knew it made people feel bad about the state of their homes, and I hated it.
Then I started telling people the truth about why my house was clean
Because the real reason why I can’t have dirty dishes in the sink and clothes lying around is that it makes my existing anxiety a lot worse.
Cleaning is something I have control over, so I take control of it. I clean before I can do anything else because I can’t seem to focus on anything else if my house needs dusting, the laundry needs to be folded, or the kitchen island has become peppered with dishes and food.
I don’t keep my house clean because I feel like I have to, or because I’m trying to be a supermom. I am not doing it for other people. I am doing it for my mental health, even though there are times it interferes with my everyday life.
I am also very aware that I am the one who does most of the housework
My kids help out and have chores, but they don’t see the dust bunnies, notice when the rugs need to be shampooed, or are aware the closet needs reorganizing so we can find stuff. That’s on me, and what happens when I see something that needs to be done is my anxiety kicks into high gear because I know I’m the one who has to do it. There have been times when it feels like a huge weight, and I’ve lost it.
My kids hate when I put their glasses away while they are still using them. There have been so many times they’ve been waiting for me in the car to go somewhere, and they know I’m inside tending to some household chore I saw waiting for me just as I was about to leave.
I’ve tried to be more relaxed about my house
I know things like this don’t matter very much, and I’m not going to be on my deathbed saying, “I’m so glad I kept my house clean.” I know this, and yet I can’t seem to stop myself from always tidying and keeping to a strict cleaning schedule, even if I’m sick or my favorite TV show is on.
I’ve tried to leave things as they are for an entire day, and I feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin. Cleaning and tidying is second nature to me. It’s almost like a reflex I can’t control.
So, if you know a mom who keeps a clean house, please know this: She is not better than you
You are not lazy. You do not need to have a clean house all the time. Chances are, this is just how she manages her anxiety and she has no intentions of making you feel bad. We all have our own ways of coping, and this is just one of them. So let’s all be more understanding and realize we’re all in this whole “trying to get through life” thing together.
