The world is more or less a dumpster fire right now. The pandemic! The election! Homeschooling! What, beyond the usual drinking and stress-baking, are moms doing to manage right now?
Greet the day, first
Ingrid Read, a mom in New Jersey and founder of Working Momkind, has an almost 3-year-old who has been out of full-time daycare since the pandemic began. “Between my full-time job, being a mom, a wife, and my side hustle, I’ve been borderline crazy by 8 p.m. each day,” she says. “What’s helped me the most is waking up at least one hour before my son. Being able to wake up to you (and your partner) without your children is everything. I notice the days when I wake up late how much it impacts my mood and productivity. I highly recommend to all my mom friends who are having a tough time to try waking up before their kids to ensure they have some time to themselves before the chaos begins.”
Manage the voices
Leighann Marquiss, a mother of four in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, stays calm by limiting who speaks into her life. “I rarely listen to the media or social media wars. I limit my research to what I need to know and try not to go down rabbit trails and make sure the sources are reputable and understand what their biases are.”
Seek peace, not calm
Lydia Elle, a single mother in Los Angeles, says, “For me, it’s not about calm — it’s about peace. I’m a Black woman — and I think that that needs to be a part of the conversation because we do have a social justice overtone that is present. People say, ‘Calm down,’ when they don’t want you to look angry, when they don’t want you to raise your voice. When you have peace, you actually feel that way.
“What I do to protect my peace is to make sure that I play with my daughter, that we have an outside moment every day. I talk to people. And I make sure that I allow myself the full range of authenticity for what I’m feeling at that moment so it doesn’t bubble up. If I feel sad that something is going on, I might shed a tear or two,” says Elle. “If you don’t take a moment to be, you’re not going to be able to do anything.”
Volunteer
Mia Lotringer Marano, a mother of two in Los Angeles, tries to volunteer. “For school. For the elections,” she says. “If I give my time to something bigger than myself that serves a greater good, it keeps things in perspective and makes me feel like at least I’m doing the most good.”
But first, exercise
Kimberly Jung, a therapist and mother of two in Los Angeles, tries to start the day right. “On my best days, I get up and exercise first thing. That is the only thing that consistently keeps my mood up. But if I don’t do it first thing, it’s not happening.”
Escape
Sarah Zimmerman, a mother of two near Detroit, does a lot to be alone in her head when she can. I took myself to a hotel for three days to just have silence,” she says. “A friend of mine and her husband each do two nights away once a quarter to find themselves and their cool again, and she recommended it. I got a cheap, sketchy hotel and just did whatever I wanted alone, quietly for three days – watched old Sandra Bullock movies, read, wrote, took long baths, ate whatever I wanted, slept a ton.”
Take a digital sabbath
Jenn McKee, a mother of two in Farmington, Michigan, steps away from her screens. “I stay offline — no email, no social media — on Sundays, and I now look forward to it so much.”
Play
Angie Ebba, a mom in Portland, Oregon, says art journaling has been life-altering. “It’s one of the only times I get out of my brain,” she says. “Art journaling has given me the opportunity to just … play. Play with color, play with texture, play with art supplies. With all the stressors in my daily life, I desperately needed play, but didn’t even know it! As adults, we so rarely grant ourselves permission to play, but this is one time I can do so, and can do it just for me and my enjoyment.”
All hail 'The Real Housewives'
Says Judy Mollen Walters, a mom from South Brunswick Township, New Jersey, says, “I watch a lot of mindless television.”
Run it off
“Running. Lots and lots of running, says Caitlin Manner, a mother of three in Panama City, Florida. “It’s the only thing that grants me some alone time and some much-needed endorphins.”
Quit drinking
Maggie Downs, a mother in Palm Springs, California, says, “I quit drinking — maybe forever, definitely for a while,” she says. “I realized I was anxious and exhausted and stretched so thin, and drinking only made all of those things worse. I wondered what would happen if I didn’t start every day already at a deficit. It’s been three months so far, but I’m surprisingly much calmer than when I drank to soothe my nerves.”
You don’t have to be calm
Debi Lewis, a mom in Evanston, Illinois, isn’t staying calm right now. “Walks, baking, quiet time, media breaks, etc., only distract me for a little bit,” she says. “I’m not calm. The world is not calm. It is actually on fire either literally or figuratively everywhere. It’s OK to not be OK.”
