You vow to be there “for better or for worse,” but no one said anything about 24 hours a day, in lockdown, for 150-plus days and counting. It’s enough to break — or, at the very least, strain — even the strongest of unions. What long-standing rules or new habits make marriage and family life more manageable during a health crisis?
Here are 10 ideas, for starters.
Blame the other coworker
Cathi Leon-Waltman of Boise, Idaho, has been working at home alongside her husband throughout the pandemic. “We heard that it was helpful to invent a third coworker to blame the little things on,” she says. Looks like Linda left her mug in the sink again! “So far, so good.”
Consult the lawyer
On a similar note, Tammi Taggart, a mother of two in Newbury Park, California, heeds advice given to her early in the marriage. “A friend said, ‘Pretend you have two partners. One’s a lawyer, so you can say things like, He’s not sure that’s legal. And the other is an accountant, so you can say things like, He doesn’t think we can afford it,’” she says. “And that just leaves you as the good guy.”
Make a list
Cassie Shortsleeve, a new mother from Boston, keeps planning for the future. “My husband and I started creating these seasonal lists of a few things that we each want to do together — [it] could be as simple as taking a scenic hike or making a new recipe,” she says. “We write them down and then make sure they get done. Sounds simple, but with quarantine, it’s so easy to never have plans or do anything fun. This ensures that we both have things to look forward to and that we’re spending dedicated time together.”
An old standby
Stacey Wilson Hunt, of Los Angeles, keeps it simple. “Wine?”
Establish a COVID-19-free zone
“We have a ‘Fauci Couchi’ with a strict No-COVID-19-talk policy,” says David Hochman, father of a 16-year-old, in Los Angeles. “We watch movies there. Hang out. Make fake travel plans. But it’s immune from corona conversation, and that saves us.”
Keep the space to keep the peace
Anna Hsieh Gold, a mother of two in the Bay Area, says space is key. “We stay the heck away from each other except at dinner time.”
All the therapy
For Ashley Miers, a mother of a toddler in Los Angeles, it’s about maintaining gratitude — and getting support. “We both do separate therapy every other week and couples therapy together on the weeks in between,” she says.
Establish a command central
For Catherine Off, a mother of two in Missoula, Montana, it’s all about organization. “Multiple shared Google calendars (family calendar, my work calendar, his work calendar) to make sure we’re not Zooming at the same time or booking kid or household events at the same time as work events,” she says. That, and getting out of the house regularly to hike with friends.
Sweat it out
Holly Harding and her partner run and work out together, regularly. “She writes the workout — her area of expertise — and I benefit by showing up in the driveway at 7 a.m. and doing what she’s written for us,” she says. “I’m in charge of the playlist.”
Do your own thing
Di Davis, of Longboat Key, Florida, has been married for 50 years. And for her, it has always been about establishing and maintaining their own interests and activities — including volunteer work. “We had to find one volunteer activity each because our usual ones were canceled due to COVID-19,” she says. She tutored online while her husband did taxes for low-income individuals through the United Way. “Being retired has its own challenges, but if you can re-create the energy and fulfillment you had from your career, it works.”
