As the mom of a 1-year-old, I’ve been inundated with parenting advice over the past year. It seems like as soon as you’re pregnant, everyone and their mother believes it’s their responsibility to offer advice, warnings, and suggestions. Some of this guidance is helpful, but some of it is… not.
There are a few classics every parent has heard — you know, “sleep when the baby sleeps,” that kind of thing. A lot of this advice just isn’t practical or realistic, and it can be incredibly frustrating to hear when you’re in the throes of it with a newborn.
Of course, there are a few pieces of parenting advice that are true lifesavers. Here are some of the tips that actually help:
Sleep in shifts
If you can swing it, sleeping in shifts can be the best thing you do for yourself and your partner. Newborns notoriously sleep in short bursts, but that’s not really ideal for parents. It sounds crazy before you have a baby, but a stretch of four or five hours of sleep straight can help you feel like a new person. If you’re a single parent (or someone who has to do a lot of solo parenting), see if you have a friend or family member who can spend the night once in a while to let you get some shut-eye. Alternately, you could hire a night nurse/nanny or a postpartum doula to give you a little reprieve.
Create a command center
The first few days home from the hospital can feel like a complete blur. You’re exhausted, you’re overwhelmed, and things can feel a little out of control. If you’re OK with chaos, you might thrive in this kind of situation. If you’re Type A, though, chaos doesn’t fly. This is where a command center comes into play.
My husband and I inadvertently created a command center without even intending to — we had an empty bookshelf in our living room (we were planning to put outside on the street but our daughter was born early) where we stored diapers, wipes, bottles, my breast pump, nipple pads, and more. Nearby we had a note pad where we could quickly jot down to-do list items: Order groceries, start a load of laundry, schedule pediatrician appointment, etc.
When my doula visited for a postpartum visit a few days after we came home from the hospital, she told us she always recommends this kind of setup to her clients. “It doesn’t have to be a long-term solution,” she explained, “just something that works for right now.” And it doesn’t need to be cute or aesthetically pleasing!
Take the damn stool softeners
If you ever think, “I’m sure I’ll be able to go to the bathroom without issues after giving birth,” you’re wrong. No matter how your labor and delivery goes, the last thing you want is to feel like you’re in labor all over again when you have to poop for the first time. Taking stool softeners, like Colace, eases the experience of going to the bathroom while you’re still healing.
While you’re at it, you might want to stock up on gas relief pills as well. As your uterus contracts back down to its original size and your organs move back into place, you might experience some uncomfortable gas pains (I know I did).
Don’t overdo it
Once you’ve been home for a few days and gotten a slightly longer stretch of sleep (I’m talking 3 to 4 hours), you might feel ready to take on the world. For me, this happened around 10 days postpartum. All I wanted to do was take a long walk outside in the beautiful spring weather… but a nurse reminded me not to overdo it.
“A lot of moms have a burst of energy and end up doing too much,” she told me. “It can be easy to overdo it in the moment, but then you’ll get home and feel totally drained.” As she told me this, I was reminded of my friend who walked a mile to and from her son’s two-week pediatrician appointment and found herself spending the next two days recovering. So even if you’re feeling great, remember that your body is still going through a lot. Prioritize rest — you’ll have plenty of time to get out and about in the weeks and months to come.
Accept the help
If you have a hard time asking for help, the postpartum period could be challenging. Try to prepare yourself not only to ask for help but to accept help when people offer. Before you give birth, make a quick list of ways people can help — and who you’d feel comfortable asking for help. Let’s take meals, for example: Maybe you’d be happy to have your in-laws drop off a meal, but you’d prefer your friends to just send a gift card for your favorite delivery app. Here are some other suggestions for ways people can help: picking up groceries, coming over to help tidy up, babysitting older kids or pet sitting for a few hours, taking the car to the car wash, or other daily tasks you could use a hand with.
Lower your expectations
A lot of people expect to be super-parents the second they get home with their newborn baby. You might have dreams of a perfectly clean house, nourishing home-cooked meals, cute loungewear, photo-worthy family moments — let it go. Lower your expectations for yourself. It’s OK to wear the same milk-stained pajamas for three days straight. It’s fine to let laundry pile up and not have the tidiest house. Do what you can, but don’t kill yourself. Spending time with your newborn is more important than deep-cleaning the kitchen.
Take videos, not just photos
As soon as your baby is born, your phone’s camera roll will be full of photos of your little one. Don’t forget to take videos! Photos won’t capture all the tiny movements and sounds your baby makes — and they change so fast! In a few weeks or months, you’ll love looking back and seeing how much your baby has evolved since they were born. (And if you have an iPhone, turn on the “Live Photos” feature!)
The best advice of all, though? Don’t worry about other people’s advice. Trust yourself. Talk to your trusted friends and family members. Every baby is different, every mom’s experience is different, so it’s more than OK if some parenting advice doesn’t apply to you.
