In March 2020, when I first read the email regarding COVID-19 and school closing down for a few weeks, I sent a text to my sister telling her I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it through 14 whole days of my kids being home with nothing to do in the middle of winter.
Then, when they decided it would be shut down longer and they were going to start virtual learning, I really didn’t think we were going to make it.
Those first few weeks were a struggle for us, just like they were a struggle for so many families
I was trying to work from home while they were trying to learn from home. The WiFi wasn’t cooperating, and we were thrown out of our routine with cabin fever.
My kids didn’t know what they were doing, I didn’t know what I was doing, and every day seemed to be a guessing game.
Looking back now, it didn’t seem like it took us long to find our rhythm — but maybe it was worse than what I'm remembering now that they're back in school full-time for the first time in 18 months.
There was a time when I would have given up a lot to get back into a routine and feel normal again
But driving them to school felt so foreign and strange after having them home with me for so long. I’d even go as far to say sending them back to school didn’t feel normal at all — it felt empty and strange.
I’m not used to this quiet, and although I’ve had a week to settle in and get used to it, I’m not at all. I loved having them home and eating lunch with them every day. I loved the new traditions we started, like grilling our lunch and going to the grocery store together when they logged out of their virtual classroom on Wednesdays.
I’m not saying every moment was easy and there weren’t challenges
But having all three of my kids home with me for so long wasn’t the total disaster I thought it would be. Maybe it’s because I let more things go, or because they actually seemed happier and found some new hobbies. Perhaps it’s because I felt like they were safer staying home with me as their company or maybe it's because they were a constant reminder about what’s actually important in life.
So when I see parents who are so relieved their kids are back in school so they feel some sense of peace and normalcy, I completely understand, yet I can’t relate.
I miss them terribly, I can’t seem to find my groove, and the quiet is making it hard for me to concentrate. I know I'll adjust eventually, but for now this mama is having a really hard time.
The most important thing is that my kids are happy and healthy
The rest will all shake out eventually. For now, I’ll just take lots of breaks so I can stare at pictures of them and smother them when they get home no matter how much they complain about it.
Besides, if there’s anything this past year and a half has taught us, it’s that things can change at any moment — so don’t get too comfortable.
