As a single mom who is self-employed, I have lots of goals each week: I set a weekly goal for work, I set a weekly goal for exercise, I set a weekly goal for jobs that need to be done around the house. On top of that, I try to balance all the fun things we need in our lives, like spending quality time with my kids, carving out time for hobbies, and investing in my relationship.
While I know most everyone is in the same boat and has things they need to do in order to keep their life running smoothly and to feel whole, I veer on the side of anxious and can get worked up very easily. In the past, if I didn’t meet my work goal, I’d end up in tears and feel worthless. If something was going on with one of my kids that was a struggle, I’d take all the blame and tell myself it was my divorce that was making them act like that. If my house wasn’t clean, the voice in my head would say things like, “You're lazy, you work from home, you should have that taken care of.”
I didn’t leave myself room for slowing down or just resting if I needed it
I’d push and push and push. When the pandemic hit, I didn’t sleep for a few nights. There were so many unknowns, and I was wound so tight I couldn’t think straight and it affected my whole life.
I had to learn the hard way that you can only go on like that for so long. I began to realize that even though things were changing, work was slowing down, and I had no idea what the future would bring, that I was OK — we were OK.
It was funny to go back and look at posts that people sent me about how great 2020 would be
People — especially moms — put so much pressure on themselves to start anew each year. They start off strong, then when it starts to fizzle, they fill their minds with such negative self-talk.
If 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that we should just do the best we can each day with what we are handed. Nothing more, nothing less. We need to stop with the pressure of trying to change ourselves. Stop thinking we aren’t enough. Stop with thinking we will only be happy if this or that happens.
I get trying to work on ourselves and make better decisions, that’s not what I’m talking about. But I am saying that when we put the pressure on ourselves to try and stay in control at every turn and things fall apart, we won’t be able to keep it together.
We need to let that pressure go
We have no idea what 2021 is going to bring. I’m not even going to try to be on fire all the time. Instead, I'm going to do the best I can, with the resources and opportunities that I have. I'm going to be thankful for the memories and the moments. I'm going to stay in the present moment and not look to the future.
I finally know that if things don’t go according to plan, or if I don’t match up to the expectations I’ve put on myself, I will adjust and make the best of it. And isn't that all any of us can truly wish for in the new year?
