I have an anxiety disorder — generalized anxiety with a panic disorder thrown in. I started having debilitating panic attacks when I was 16, and they’ve continued throughout my life. In my 20s, I finally found a therapist I loved. I went to her midtown Manhattan office every week for a decade.
I thought I was in a pretty good place by the time I was 30. At that point, I had moved to the suburbs and had a baby. Trekking into the city just wasn’t possible. So I stopped seeing my beloved therapist.
Things were sort of OK for a few years
Meditation and exercise helped keep me balanced and well. But a few years down the road, I was not in a good place at all with my anxiety. I began having panic attacks again on the regular, and I was going through some heavy stuff with my family. The state of politics and my overloaded work/momming schedule weren’t helping.
I knew I needed to get back into therapy again, but the idea of finding time to go visit a therapist sounded just as daunting as not going at all. I was a full-time mom with little kids, and I worked almost full-time at that point too. Basically, I’d parent all day, and then work once my husband got home and on the weekends.
I had virtually no time for therapy, but I desperately needed it
Online therapy was newish at that point, and I was a little hesitant to try it. How could the warm, comforting therapy relationship that I valued be replicated through a phone or computer screen, or through text messages?
As unsure as I was, I knew I needed to try, because my mental health was in shambles. So I signed up for Talkspace, an online therapy app. I had to go through a questionnaire and then was able to pick my therapist based on their credentials, experience, and photo. I picked one who specialized in anxiety, and who looked friendly and kind.
I figured that the worst that could happen is that we wouldn’t vibe and I would just find someone else. There were options to do that within the app. If I didn’t like any of the therapists they offered or if the online modality didn’t work for me, I could just try to find an in-person therapist.
For our first few sessions, we met through video conference
I was surprised just how similar it was to meeting a therapist in person. There was the same back and forth, awkward pauses, and the feeling of being listened to and heard — well, at least in this case, because I was lucky to have found a therapist I really liked!
After these first few sessions, we transitioned to text messages. I was given a number of messages I could exchange with her each day. I was in a bit of a crisis, so I ended up texting her almost every day. It was kind of weird at first, but then I got into a groove with it.
You want to know something? Being able to have someone I could check in with daily was actually super helpful, even if it was online. Every other therapist I’d had in the past I only met with once per week. This type of therapy really felt like a lifeline — and I needed it.
I found that my therapist always had really good insights for me, and I felt listened to, even if we were only exchanging words. I ended up doing the daily online therapy thing for a few months, until my panic attacks stabilized. Then, I switched to a few days a week.
Now, four years later, I’ve moved to a weekly check-in with my therapist, but I know that I can move to a more frequent schedule if needed.
I’ve been doing online therapy for four years, and I love it
It fits in beautifully with my busy life as a parent. When my kids were younger, I’d be “doing therapy” as I was waiting for them to fall asleep. Now I can check in with my therapist during my breaks at work, or while I’m cooking dinner, waiting for my kids to brush their teeth, etc.
I know online therapy isn’t for everyone. For me, I think it helped that I had a decade of traditional therapy under my belt. I also think different people will need different kinds of online therapy. Some might really need to see their therapist, or want to do video therapy. Others might actually like the anonymity that texting offers.
Either way, it’s very important to find a therapist that you really like. This might mean that you have to try more than one therapist, and that’s OK. No one should do therapy with someone unless they feel really comfortable with them. Therapy is a very vulnerable act, and you need that trust.
Whatever you do, please take care of your mental health
I know you may feel that you have no time, and that it’s just too damn hard, but your mental health matters. You can’t be the parent you want to be for your kids if you are falling apart yourself.
