I was a very average student in school. My parents weren’t super strict about my grades, but every time I saw my report card, I’d feel a little ashamed about it. My mother insisted on keeping them all in a box, and when I moved out after college, she handed over all of my belongings to me.
Then, the first time I went through the box and saw all of my report cards clumped together with a rubberband around them, I still felt the same way. I knew it was kind of silly. I’d graduated years ago and was doing just fine in life. But seeing those report cards made me feel as if I wasn’t very smart.
Another ten years went by and I was in a purging frenzy when I came across those report cards, again. I read comments from teachers about how I had trouble focusing in class, talked too much, and didn’t put in much effort. I saw rows of (barely) passing grades some quarters, and I still wasn’t able to shake the feeling those stupid papers gave me, so I threw them in the trash.
I still don’t know why it took me so long to do it. I guess since my mother always kept them, it was ingrained in my brain that that's what you did with report cards even if they weren’t fridge-worthy. It felt freeing to know I never had to look at them again. I always felt like a below-average person because of my grades in school. Learning never came easy to me and it always took me a lot longer than my classmates to catch on, especially in math. That mindset stayed with me for a long time, and during college, or when I'd start a new job, I’d always think, "This is going to be really hard, and you probably aren’t going to be able to figure it out."
Now I have three kids who are all very average students. I don’t check their grades in the parent portal, I don’t pay them if they get good grades, and I don’t judge their report cards. I encourage them, support them, and remind them to do their best and get their work done on time.
And when their report cards come in the mail, I ask them if they want to keep them because they are theirs, not mine. If they want me to store them, I gladly will. If they want to keep them in their room, great. If they want me to hang them up, I’ll do it. But what I don't want my kids to think is that their grades define them. There are so many other, more important things I want them to think about. Like, if they are comfortable speaking their mind, if they are aware of others and the importance of helping people.
Each of my kids learn in different ways. My sons are very active and learn a lot better if they are doing something active, like putting something together. Sitting in a classroom has always been a challenge for them, but just because they don’t absorb the material or lectures as other kids do, that doesn’t mean they aren’t smart and capable.
Report cards can be a great indicator of where your child is at, but it’s just a slice of what they are capable of. The most important thing to me is that they grow up knowing they are so much more than their report cards.
