My best friend and I were really close growing up. We first met when we were seven and spent much of our time together. We could play with short notice, and it was easy to see each other — an easy climb over a fence and a couple of minutes in the woods, and we would be at the other’s house. We grew up together. Playing in backyards evolved to going out for custard. Our conversations shifted from Barbies and birthday parties to boys and college all too quickly. And even when I went to college, she visited frequently since I was only 30 minutes away.
Maintaining our friendship early on was easy, but as we got older, our responsibilities grew
It was no longer just about us. We both got married and moved further away from each other. We weren’t neighbors any longer, and the need to work for our friendship really began. The days of climbing over the fence to get to each other were over. Our walks and childhood games were over.
Growing apart from my best friend actually began when I got married. Within a month after graduating from college, I got married, moved in with my new husband, and started my first full-time job. It was a lot of change at once, and my life was suddenly completely different. I was so distracted by the newness of being married that I kind of let things slip a bit in the years that followed.
Planning things got pushed to the bottom of my priority list quickly. We still kept in contact, but it was nowhere near what it once was.
Then I had a baby
It’s not abnormal to grow apart from your friends after becoming a mom. It’s only natural since you are now busier and more tired than you could ever imagine. There simply isn’t the time or energy to keep up with everyone the way you used to, and maybe that’s how it’s meant to be. You are now responsible for a baby, and your life is completely different.
Luckily for me, I had the opposite experience
When I got pregnant with my daughter, I decided to stay home with her. I couldn’t bear the thought of sending her to daycare, so I followed in my mother’s footsteps and became a stay-at-home mom. Suddenly, my days were all at once busier and less busy at the same time. I was on an infant’s schedule but more lonely. And in an amazing twist of fate, my best friend didn’t work on Mondays. It was an ideal time to rekindle and resolidify our friendship. I was glad to snatch up the opportunity.
Mondays became our time. The new routine became something I looked forward to. I would bring the baby out, and we would meet for coffee. She sat in her car seat while we got to catch up. The aroma of freshly ground coffee surrounded us as we talked about life and boys once again. Our conversations were sweetened by biscotti and mochas while we made faces at the baby.
I soon realized just how much I had missed her
The adult conversation was a welcome reprieve, and the change of scenery was a godsend as a new mom. Our friendship was different but never broke. As we go through the seasons of our lives, our relationships change. Some are worth holding on to, but others aren’t.
As we head into 30 years of friendship, I know that she is one of the ones that I will keep for the rest of my life. No matter how our lives change, our relationship has grown and evolved to change with us. At the end of the day, no matter what’s going on in our lives, I now know that we’ll always be the two little girls on childhood walks, taklking about nothing and everything in between.
