Bedtime Crisis
“Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.'” ― Jim Gaffigan, "Dad Is Fat"
In the words of comedic genius and my personal idol in all things parenthood-related Jim Gaffigan, bedtime with kids can feel like a crisis.
But fortunately, it doesn’t always have to be like a hostage negotiation (with us as the hostages, of course). Putting aside the inevitable and occasional bedtime blip, employing a few simple tips can help you get your kids to bed on time in a way that won’t leave you crying louder than the baby.
Bathe Before Dinnertime
This one may seem counterproductive, but on those nights when I know dinner’s going to be late getting to the table or the husband will be working late, it makes our night so much less chaotic if I herd the children into baths before we sit down to eat.
Then, after we eat together we can actually all relax instead of jumping right into the chaos of bath and bedtime. It’s a nice change-up once in a while.
Eliminate the Production
Bedtime seems to drag on forever in our house some nights, but I’ve always been inspired by Paula Rollo of Beauty Through Imperfection’s advice on bedtime—she made it a priority to create a simple and fast bedtime routine for her kids. Story, sip and a kiss—and that’s it. With a fast routine, bedtime is quick and painless instead of a source of dread every night.
Line It Up
I probably look like a crazy person, but bath time is pure assembly-line style in my house so we can get the kids into bed in a timely manner. I prep ahead of time to make it go as smoothly as possible. I hang up individual towels, put out pajamas on the bed for each child, and even pre-paste their toothbrushes with toothpaste so it’s all ready to go.
Split Bedtime Duties
With four kids, ages 6 and under, in my house, bedtime doesn’t always flow so smoothly. But one thing that has really worked for us is simply splitting the kids up for bedtime duties. My husband will put the older kids down while I take the baby. After everyone is tucked in for the night, I can always sneak back in for a kiss.
Consider Melatonin
If your child appears to have severe sleep disturbances, you may want to consider discussing a sleep aide supplement, like melatonin, with your doctor. Megan Bishop noticed a huge difference when starting melatonin with her youngest son, Ryley. “He had issues calming his mind when it came to bedtime,” explains Bishop. “We could literally lay there with him for three hours just staring at the ceiling. Since starting melatonin, he is able to climb into bed and shut off his brain. It doesn’t knock him out, just allows himself to calm down and relax enough to fall asleep.”
Ban Electronics
It may be tempting to have the kids wind down with a quick TV show before bedtime, but too much screen time too close to bedtime can actually have the opposite effect and fire up their brains to stay awake.
The National Sleep Foundation cautions that the light emitted from electronic devices can actually signal the brain to produce a chemical reaction to induce alertness. Not good for lights-out time. Shut those devices off at least an hour before bedtime and encourage a bedtime story with a book instead.
Let Go of Guilt
In typical mom-guilt fashion, I’ve often felt guilty for my desperation to get the kids into bed on time at night. I feel like a military sergeant who’s sucking all the fun out of life. They just want to cuddle with their mom for a few extra minutes—what’s the harm in that? Except when that happens multiple times, every night, it starts to wear thin on my patience.
I finally gave myself permission to not feel guilty about saying “no” to my kids and enforcing a strict bedtime rule. Then I realized that making sure my kids sleep is parenting them. Sleep is so crucial for growth, development, health and keeping that immune system strong. We can save the cuddles for another time.
Gate 'Em In
Promise not to report me for horrible parenting? My husband and I use this little trick when we have a toddler in the house who loves to continually get out of bed and wander around at night time. For instance, we just transitioned our 2-year-old son into a toddler bed and from the very first night, we put up a baby gate to his room. The gate helped to set some visual “boundaries” for him that helped reduce the odds that bedtime would turn into hours of putting him back in his bed—it helped tremendously.
We learned the hard way with our first child that toddlers don’t always stay put at night.
Set a Timer
On those nights when I am feeling particularly crazed and the whole house seems out of control and I just know the kids are going to take arms up against me when I declare “bedtime for all,” I make like an oven and set a timer.
My kids are still young enough that they think it’s great fun, and we make it a game to do the nightly cleanup and jump into bed before the timer goes off. Last one under the covers is a rotten egg! (Side note: You would think they would catch on after a while, wouldn’t you? Evil laugh here.)
Start Bedtime Earlier
Bedtime `round these parts is 9 p.m, but after our fourth baby was born, I was having more and more trouble getting the kids to sleep on time. I was feeling stressed and exhausted and half of the time, the kids weren’t falling asleep until almost 10 p.m.—which made a horrible next day and left my husband and I with little down time for ourselves, too.
So, we recently made the decision to move up bedtime by half an hour—and it’s made a huge difference. Even if the kids aren’t actually asleep, they can be safely tucked away in their beds for some quiet time. It’s a good move for everyone involved.
Look for Cues
Even if you have a strict “lights out at 8” rule at your house, as your kids grow, their natural bedtime may shift—so it may be helpful to look for cues from your kids to determine the best bedtime for them.
With babies and toddlers, look for those signs of fussiness, rubbing eyes, or restlessness. For bigger kids, those temper tantrums and crying are usually good indicators—if you see them on a consistent basis, aim for an earlier bedtime to avoid them breaking down at the exact same time you’re trying to get them to sleep.
Do What’s Right
One popular mom blogger that I know talked about the amount of flak she received after confessing that she puts her kids to bed at 7 p.m. every night, but I think she’s on to something. Every family flow is different and the truth is, every child is different as well. Some kids need more sleep, some parents need more alone time, and doing what works best for your family is the best thing you can do.
