20 Ways to Avoid Family Stress During the Holidays

Is it just us, or do some family members just seem more annoying during the holidays? Even if you love your family dearly, being cooped up together for too long can result in getting under each others' skin. Add everybody's kids to the mix, and you're basically asking for chaos with conflicting nap schedules, cousins or siblings who don't get along and adults who behave like children. Here are some tried-and-true tips for reducing your family's stress during the holidays.

Allow extra time for traveling with kids during the holidays. Not only will airports and highways be packed with other travelers who have their families in tow, but the way your kindergartner drags his suitcase incorrectly through the entire airport terminal is about 10 times more annoying when you're stressed out and in a hurry. Planning ahead with lots of time to spare will help you keep the peace with everyone and prevent you from yelling at your kids.

Combat subtle jabs from your brother or outright rudeness from your mother-in-law by being as pleasant as possible. Kill your relatives with kindness and it will turn their mood around—or at least make them look like the jerk instead of you.

Don't stay with relatives if you can afford to stay somewhere else. With everyone confined to one house, there are bound to be arguments over the smallest things, so having a physical space you can retreat to without being surrounded by your entire family can help make the holiday more enjoyable. If a hotel isn't in the mix, look into an Airbnb or a family-friendly vacation rental that you can split with a sibling.

If you can't stay somewhere else—either because finances are tight or there's no availability anywhere—make a plan for how you'll get out of the house to stay sane during your visit. Offer to run errands, take the dog for a walk or whatever you can so you can get a breather for a little bit.

Getting together with family members who have kids can sometimes be tough because your sister-in-law might let her children do things that your kids aren't allowed to do. It's tough to face that peer pressure as a parent to just give in, and it's also tough for your kids to deal with not being allowed to do something that they see their cousins doing. Try to avoid tantrums and problems in advance with a simple phone call to agree on anything that might be an issue for your kids or theirs. If you don't let your kids eat sugar between meals or play violent video games, there's no harm in strategizing ahead of time to keep the rules in place.

Do yourself a favor and just say "forget about it" when it comes to holiday cards. You can send them to your parents and your in-laws, but there's no need to impress your 125 closest friends and PTA acquaintances with holiday greetings. Instead, save money and time by taking a cute photo of the kids and sending it as an email to wish people a happy holiday season.

Even if it means waking up an hour before your kids roll out of bed, stealing 30 minutes on your own to relax during nap time, or asking a relative to put your kids to bed so you can have a minute to yourself, don't forget to get some quiet time in. As the saying goes: If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Having out-of-town guests? Hire a cleaning service to come before your guests arrive and after they leave. Yes, really. It'll free up your time and energy to do more important things, and you can collect the compliments on how clean your house is. The good thing is it's often a lot more affordable than people realize. We won't tell anybody your secret.

Nobody's family has a perfect holiday. Nobody. Don't get wrapped up in trying to keep up with unrealistic expectations for your family to look Insta-perfect. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, know when to quit. Being together and having a good time are the goals at hand for the holidays. Don't spoil it by imposing impossible standards your family is unlikely to meet.

If you know your toddler is going through a phase where they won't eat anything but chicken nuggets and mustard without a complete and utter nuclear meltdown, just buy the box of chicken nuggets so all hell doesn't break loose. It's unrealistic to expect your toddler to eat everything the grown-ups eat—and while you can try to serve them some of it, it's wise to have the nuggets as a backup plan.

Wherever you're headed for the holidays, don't forget to bring a pair of running shoes. Exercise helps reduce stress! It's the perfect excuse to get some peace and quiet, as well as some endorphins. Even if you have to take the kids in a double stroller to get away, you'll be glad you got some fresh air.

Kids can be loving on each other one minute and fighting like cats and dogs the next. Try to make sure everybody gets enough attention from Mom and Dad and that nobody feels left out, let down or like their sibling is getting more of anything than they are. Encourage hugging it out and using words to express themselves rather than pulling hair or smacking each other. (Don't forget to be a role model by not fighting with your siblings in front of them, either.)

It may seem like a great idea in August to book a whole week to stay with your parents, but 24 hours into the visit, you'll wonder what the heck you were thinking. Know your limits. If you can't stand being around a particular family member for more than 48 hours, don't plan a weeklong trip that you'll regret. Make plans to stay only for as long as you're comfortable. It's better to have a short visit that everyone enjoys rather than a long visit that will have you rethinking where to spend the holidays next year.

If being cooped up for too long leads to behavior issues, have some backup plans for activities that will help the kids expend all their extra energy. You can get a couple hours of fun out of playing outside together and then coming inside to drink hot chocolate, roast marshmallows and make Grandma's special holiday cookies together. Take turns with the other adults in the house, so nobody feels put out.

Kids aren't the only ones who misbehave! Sometimes Mom and Dad need short-term solitary confinement, too. Whether it's the kids, your spouse or your own mother driving you over a cliff, recognize when you're about to lose it and self-regulate by going to the den or your bedroom (or even the garage!) to get a few moments to collect yourself.

If you have the option to stagger family visits throughout the holidays, do it without any guilt. It'll give you time to spend alone with your kids and also give you a break from dealing with too many relatives all in one place. It's also a good time to start your own family traditions!

Nobody wants to deal with a mega meltdown because the kids are jet-lagged and staying up too late. Try your best to keep them on a consistent bedtime schedule so they're getting enough sleep. Late nights lead to cranky mornings, and it'll only serve to make you, your kids and the rest of your family miserable if your toddler is grouchy the whole visit.

It might seem like a good idea to have that second (or third) glass of wine to deal with your nagging mother-in-law or other relatives who irritate you at the dinner table, but don't let your drinking become a slippery slope. It only takes one time to embarrass yourself in front of your family and kids to make it a very unhappy holiday and earn a new family nickname for all eternity.

Relax a little! Let your kids be as goofy at Grandma's house as they are at home. Part of parenthood is enjoying the small moments. Don't fuss too much about behavior that isn't out of line, and remember that expectations we might have for ourselves aren't necessarily meant to be imposed on our kids. If they want to sing "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" at the top of their lungs while eating pancakes, laugh about it and shrug it off instead of questioning them about where they learned the lyrics.