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Being a foster parent is a rewarding thing that helps kids get a stable home environment when life was otherwise in turmoil. However, there are many challenges to being a foster parent, and you should go in knowing what those challenges are before becoming a foster parent.
So, what does it take to be a foster parent? Here are 9 things parents should know before embarking on this journey.
How to become foster parents: What are the goals?
There are the goals of the state and your own goals to consider when fostering children. Take the time to review and evaluate goals to set the right expectations.
1. Understand the main goal is reunification with parents
This means that you might not have the child for long, and if you do, you need to be prepared to let go of someone you have grown to love. Fostering happens when parents are unable to, for whatever reasons, provide the child with a stable environment that nurtures them properly. You become a short-term replacement for what should be reunification with their parents who have improved their life to provide for their children.
2. Get a handle on your why
As you realize you are a temporary solution, you should determine why you really want to foster. “Some people choose to foster children because they have struggled with infertility and still want to experience parenting and raising a family. Fostering can be very rewarding,” family therapist Katie Ziskind told Mom.com. Your reasons will be unique to you, but you should really identify them so that you can revisit them when times are tough.
3. Think about the child’s goals
The children don’t have much say in what is going on in their lives and they are likely scared and angry about the whole situation. Take some time and put yourself in their shoes so that you are prepared if they don’t cuddle up to your affection immediately. Children want to be with their parents and can’t understand why they can’t be. Prepare yourself to give them the space they need to adjust to the circumstances.
Part of this is embracing who the child is. “If you receive transracial foster children, embrace their culture," Jennifer Salomon, a former foster child herself, explained to Mom.com. "Their culture is part of them. Trying to erase or diminish what is them is not the answer. This happens too often.”
What is foster parents' responsibility in the home?
When you foster, you’ll need to have certain things ready for the child. While you want to have everything perfect the moment they arrive, be flexible on certain things so that you get the right things instead of the wrong things.
4. Have toiletries ready
Prepare the house with essentials that the child will need. Don’t assume that they will come with anything. Have a toothbrush and toothpaste set aside for them along with other basics like a comb, bath soap, and shampoo.
5. Have kid-appropriate foods ready
They say that the way to someone’s heart is through their stomach. Help the child feel welcome with foods that they’ll likely love. Things like chicken nuggets, yogurt sticks, grapes, juice boxes, and ravioli are generally good for younger kids. For older kids, have a range of fruit snacks, hot dogs, and frozen pizzas on hand. You won’t know when the child last ate, so feeding them might be the first thing that you do when the child enters your care.
6. Buy clothing after they arrive
You might think you’re doing the best thing by buying clothing ahead of time. But every child is different, and an 8-year-old might be wearing clothes that fit a typical 10-year-old. Wait until the child arrives and go shopping together. This makes sure you get things that will fit and be comfortable for the child and also gives them some choices in what they will wear. When they can’t control anything else in their life, they will appreciate having some control over their clothing.
Know what disqualifies you from being a foster parent
These kids are coming from chaotic situations and need stability to help them thrive. Without certain essentials in place, you won’t be able to become a foster parent. Make sure you meet the following criteria for a foster parenting role.
7. You must be emotionally stable
Foster parents can be a couple, married or not, or an individual who is emotionally stable. This means that there is not a lot of drawn-out conflict on a daily basis. If you’re in a relationship, there is little fighting and you see yourself as continuing the relationship for the long term. If you are single, you aren’t constantly dating new people, which would create a revolving door of people in the child’s life.
8. You must be financially stable
The foster agency will want to see that you can take care of yourself and another child. This means that you have consistent and verifiable income. Foster care income is not considered as part of your ability to maintain a household and family.
9. You must have what is needed to foster
You need to have the space and transportation to foster a child. This means that children must have their own bed and can only share a room with one other child. Foster parents must have working phone numbers that are not blocked, allowing the child to access the phone if necessary. You must also have a reliable car, van, or truck to be able to transport the entire family. You’ll be required to take the child to family visits, court appointments, medical appointments, and school.