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It may seem like a gift — being stuck on lockdown might give you more time as a family, specifically more time to spend with your significant other. And it is, but at the same time, too much time without the necessary “me time” can put an extra strain on your relationship. It doesn’t matter how strong your relationship is, everyone needs some time and space to do their own thing. This can be tough during the coronavirus lockdown.
Here are six tips for being on lockdown with your spouse or partner:
Finding alone time
1. Find a designated space in the house
Do more than just set time for alone time, set a room in the house dedicated to it. “Let your significant other have a separate room and space if he or she wants it,” Hawaii mom Malia Martin told Mom.com. “This might be for a hobby or chat. Make sure they’re not pestered by kids; treat their social ‘outing’ with the same respect given to a work call — even if you don’t personally like their hobby.”
This can be harder than it sounds if you live in a small space, but designating a space for alone time is important. Be creative: You might find that doing a hobby or working out in the garage is the perfect way to clear your head.
2. If you have children quarantining with you, take turns with child care
Part of the stress is the constant demand of children in the house. This is especially true for families with young children who might be frustrated by not being able to see friends, go to school, or play their favorite sports. Set times during the day where you switch “child duty.” This might be especially necessary if one or both parents are working remotely — you’ll want time to get work done without interruption and also a bit of time after the workday is done to unwind. Work with your partner to find an effective schedule.
Communication skills
3. Communicate early and every day
Lockdown can make it seem like every day is the same, and in a lot of ways it is. But don’t get lulled into doldrums of communication. Start the day by reviewing what is on the agenda in terms of kids’ activities, personal time, and work commitments. Share what is going well and what is stressful. The earlier you communicate, the fewer chances you’ll have of boiling over with frustration.
4. Be empathetic of each other
While everyone is in it together, everyone deals with the lockdown a little differently. Be aware of differences and subtle frustrations your partner has and discuss your own. As a mom, not being able to see my son graduate in a traditional graduation ceremony was difficult. I don’t think I’m alone in the frustration of missing milestone events such as birthdays, graduations, and sports competitions.
Father’s Day is approaching quickly. Is there a way to make it special despite the circumstances of lockdown? This is the time to think about the little things that make a difference.
5. Pandemic preparedness
Realize that you might not be on the same page 100% with your partner when it comes to the pandemic. You might wholeheartedly believe in mask wearing while he doesn’t see the need. Use these disagreements to find common ground and work to a solution that makes everyone in the house feel safer. After all, when someone doesn’t feel safe, there is more stress and conflict.
Save the date
6. Make a date
Even if you can’t go out, you can still have date night. You may need to wait until the kids go to sleep for it to begin or find a way to distract them, but couples time is as important as alone time.
Mom.com talked to family therapist Latasha Matthews who gave us a great acronym to help keep your relationship strong during the lockdown: S.A.V.E.
S– Schedule dates and private time to have fun. Be committed to the dates and set boundaries with your family members.
A– Anticipate setbacks. Be sure to have a plan B if the original date does not work out.
V– Variety through virtual is key. Be creative with your planning. Take a virtual paint class, attend a virtual cooking class or concert. Create new memories virtually.
E– Eliminate excuses and negativity. Focus on gratitude and thankfulness.
