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Our history influences our parenting all the time without us even realizing it. There are times when we do something just like our parents would, or perhaps we intentionally choose an opposite action to avoid “becoming like them.” The same goes for how we view ourselves, our bodies, and our self-esteem — our history colors what we think about ourselves.
Historically, colorism in the Black community has affected parenting and the stereotypes have been passed down through generations. Colorism is the discrimination faced by dark-skinned people, usually in their own communities, and is not just “a Black person thing”; it happens in many multicultural communities.
When children are growing up and hear comments about skin color and the differences in people with different skin colors, good and bad, many things begin to happen, and one unfortunate outcome is not loving the skin they’re in.
As parents, we influence our children from day one, so we can undoubtedly encourage them to love their skin despite what the world, our larger families and communities, and even our own blind spots may tell them. In a time when cultures are melting together, your child may be questioning how they fit in and how they can truly love themselves when they look different from their friends.
So if you want to encourage in your child a positive view of their skin and their background, here are four thoughtful ways to encourage your child to love their skin.
1. Be an inspiring role model
Our children’s little eyes are always on us, aren’t they? So the advice you’ve probably heard before works here: Model the behavior you want your child to see. By allowing your child to see you loving on your own skin and body, talking positively about yourself, and sharing what your strengths are, eventually they will start to model the positivity that you reflect.
2. Show them other beautiful people who look like them
The wonderful part about Black History Month is that you can easily find lists of books to read about prominent figures. There is also an entire catalog of movies on Netflix featuring Black people and stories, and even more opportunities to watch and see people your children love with the same skin tone as theirs. By watching their favorite people, they can see that it’s not just you encouraging them to love their skin — they can see other famous or inspiring people loving their skin, too. Children love to hear someone else saying what you’ve been telling them. This is a way to do that!
3. Create a routine for taking care of their skin
Kids love products that are just for them. When talking about how beautiful their skin tone is, perhaps you can start a new routine with products that will nourish and care for their skin! Go shopping together to get things that smell good, look pretty, or have their favorite character on the front, and teach your child how to use them daily.
4. Check in and talk with them
Having open conversations about why we need to love our own skin, why kids may feel different from their friends, or why parts of their body that they aren’t as happy about should still be celebrated will open up your relationship. Shying away from a perceived problem will only allow it to continue to fester. Instead, run toward the difficult conversation, and learn and grow together. You might even share your experiences and how your child can work through their own feelings.
