One morning, I burst into my still-slumbering 12-year-old’s room, loudly raised the blinds, and whipped off his blanket. It was nearly 10:30, an egregious hour to still be fast asleep, I thought. “Get up. Eat breakfast. Do something,” I demanded. He rubbed his eyes, leaned back on his elbows, and simply asked, “Why, Mom?” As I opened my mouth to reply, it suddenly hit me — that was a good question.
Every day of our pre-pandemic life, my entire family had been chronically overscheduled. For my preteen, it was school followed by extracurricular clubs, basketball, or soccer. My husband and I always had work to do, with meetings, dinners, or projects keeping us out late. Even my 3-year-old logged a full day of preschool and a myriad of sports, art, music, and tumbling classes. Of course, that all evaporated once we went into mandated social isolation.
Suddenly we had spare time — a foreign concept for far too long
I was plagued by one singular question: What in the world would I do with my kids all day? At first, I tried to keep a very regimented schedule. Zoom guitar lesson, tutors, writing projects. Forced outdoor time and craft projects no one seemed to enjoy. It was exhausting.
We as parents put just as much pressure on ourselves these days. I spoke to many moms who were intent on using this time to learn a language, write a book, start a new business. We are so used to being productive in every minute of every day that we can’t grant ourselves a little grace.
So when my son asked, “Why, Mom?” it set us on a new path of a more relaxed summer
I let him stay up later than usual and didn’t bug him in the morning. I made more flexible plans and took them on outings that didn’t have a tight timeline. There were many days when I didn’t plan anything. Sometimes I fielded the “I’m bored” complaint. Boredom, I told them, was a gift. They started finding creative ways to keep themselves entertained. That has been the surprising upside of pandemic life. For the first time in their lives, my kids could just be.
That has been the surprising upside of pandemic life. For the first time in their lives, my kids could just be.
There is a downside to not enough downtime
According to Alvin Rosenfeld, author of The Over-Scheduled Child, the risk might include depression, anxiety, and an inability to problem-solve or be creative. Afternoons climbing trees, hiking, reading, or just daydreaming are a rarity in our tech- and activity-obsessed culture. The pandemic has helped many families, like mine, reclaim some of these traditional aspects of childhood. And all of this forced time together — as frustrating as it can be at times — has actually strengthened our family bond. I feel as if I know my children better. I understand them more.
I’m a bit sad summer is coming to an end. With the return of school inevitably comes a more regimented day. As I balance my work responsibilities with their remote learning, I am sure there will be stressful moments. Just the thought of helping with junior high math or teaching a rambunctious toddler to read gives me anxiety. But our family learned an invaluable lesson this summer. Along with all our lengthy to-dos, we will make intentional time in the schedule to unwind, to relax, and just do nothing. It’s a plan that has us all looking forward to the fall.
