I was in the kitchen roasting what must have been our 30th chicken dinner of the quarantine when I put down my oven mitt, stared blankly ahead, and thought, “I can’t do this much longer.” It wasn’t just the fact that I had prepared more meals in 84 days than I had cooked in my entire 17-year marriage. No. It was much deeper than that. It was quarantine fatigue.
Even if you’ve never heard that phrase before, you’ve most certainly felt it. It’s the emotional toll this extreme physical and social isolation has taken on us all. Of course we miss the big events – travel, weddings, big family holidays — but it’s those small interactions that really define the everyday fabric of our lives. Meeting a friend for a quick coffee. Dropping your kids off at school. Actually trying on a pair of shoes before you buy them. (Though let’s be real, where would I wear them?) There is a real void there. A longing for normalcy.
A recent poll by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that almost half of Americans feel as though the coronavirus pandemic has harmed their mental health. I’ve gazed at those images of packed beaches and bars with a mix of envy and then anger that others aren’t being careful. The choice is simple if we want to stay COVID-19-free. So what’s a frazzled mom at her wit’s end to do? Self-care – which is now limited to hiding from my toddler for 30 minutes of peace – wasn’t cutting it. Instead, I decided we would quaranteam with another family.
I called up a good friend whose family has been similarly hunkered down and distanced from others and proposed sharing a rental house in July. She too was feeling the strain and loved the idea. We took the idea to our respective broods and they were on board too. However, there were certain things we had to agree on beforehand:
- We couldn’t hang out at another person’s house within two weeks of living together.
- Everyone must wear their masks during public outings.
- Each family had to bring ample amounts of wine. Good wine. (This is not a joke.)
- Take shoes off in the house.
- Change clothes after trips to the grocery store.
- Check with each other before the kids have an in-person lesson or appointment. For example, what are the safety procedures in place?
I remember the moment we all arrived at the house. We hugged a bit too tight and a bit too long because we needed that connection, that contact. It was such a simple act, but it held so much significance in the time of the coronavirus. Just to be in the same breathing space as other people without a mask on felt like a gift.
There are some other risks, of course. If the chemistry was off, we could all end up hating one another. I tried to choose a family that was similar to ours. We are both pretty laid-back, and their son and our oldest are in the same grade at the same school. It was also important to be with people who don’t hate toddlers. Not everyone wants to be within earshot of tantrums or won’t freak out if they step on an errant Lego.
We also share a love of grilled meats, farm stands, outdoor excursions, and both dads (for better or worse) are obsessed with Madden Football. It was a perfect match, not because we liked all the same things, but because we had our own interests too. Our kids loved playing with one another, but did not have to be together every minute of the day. While one child was outside kicking around the soccer ball, the other was playing Fortnite. The other mom loved having an early morning coffee on the deck. I preferred to get in every second of sleep I could. One dad loved cooking, the other, not so much. It was a good balance.
As this amazing month comes to an end, I can’t help but feel a little sad. It’s been a sanity-saving experience and a lot of fun. Being together gave us all the connection we were longing for. I feel recharged and ready to deal with what the coming months may bring. Aside from a vaccine, what more could I ask for?