Dear Mr. Second Grader,
Well, this certainly hasn’t been the school year either of us planned. Over the summer, when I overheard you tell your Legos, “I promise to eat all my vegetables if can go to back school. I miss my friends,” I knew you were serious. Clearly, after spending the summer isolating with your parents, you were feeling, well, rather isolated. Gone are the days when I could amuse you with only a sugar packet, a sticker, and a paper clip.
I hoped it would be safe for you to go back to in-person class, because I wanted you to be happy. When it became clear that returning wasn’t in the Pokemon cards, I struggled with ways to protect you from feeling disappointed. As you sobbed in my arms, I made a silent promise that I’d make this all better. There’d be cake, dance parties, and secret movie times. I could make virtual school fun enough so that you wouldn’t miss what you were missing out on.
Well, I have to apologize
There has been none of that. What we have done is dance around the real reason you’re counting down the days until winter break. So let me break it down for you: When you turned 7, I watched your need to be independent shoot up like your height. Sheltering at home has made this transition less than ideal. Now that I’m taking on all the roles — mom, teacher, and your personal assistant — you’re not getting any space. Where once you held my leg begging me never to leave you, now you crave time apart.
And that’s not happening
This totally age-appropriate need has brought on boundary testing and turned us both into evil Minecraft Enderdragons — especially during school time. Remember that time I said, “Hey, let’s do your science!” Then you said "No!" and defiantly picked up the TV remote?
I finally figured out why this has been so hard. The deal is, kiddo, you’re growing up. But where you should be growing up and growing out more into the world… this time won’t allow for that. I wish it did. Let me tell you a secret: When school begins again, friends and activities will slowly steal the spotlight from us. Right now, our bubble at home has stopped that from happening.
So I’m looking at this time as an opportunity to pack in more moments and extra cuddles with my growing-up-too-fast son. Believe me, I know this year hasn’t been the easiest for so many reasons. Between me relearning math and you getting your Zoom degree in making monster faces, I’ll certainly recall the stress of homeschooling this year. Honestly, though, when I look back on the time I spent with you, much like your newborn phase, I’ll always feel all the warm fuzzy feelings.
I know how this story sort of ends
Not too far from now, you'll ask to borrow my car and be off with your friends watching TV shows you won’t tell me about while I stare at pictures of you as a little baby on my iPhone 23 XL Pro.
Remember the other day when you asked, “Why do you like holding my hand?” I answered, “Because I love you.”
But the real reason was.. because you still let me.
Love,
Mom
