Our Kids’ Mental Health: How the Pandemic Is Impacting Our Children

When it comes to the pandemic, beyond the obvious concerns of physical health and safety for our kids, there is also the worry about the continuous emotional wear caused by stress, isolation, disruption, and uncertainty affecting our children. For many kids, the pandemic has exacerbated their anxieties and has negatively affected their mental health.

For white single mom Elizabeth Shiffer, her 13-year-old daughter struggles with both depression and anxiety. “The pandemic amplified both,” Schiffer told Mom.com. “She’s struggled with insomnia in the year since this all began. She’s had panic attacks, and it didn’t help that I moved us back to California, so the poor kid is dealing with a new school again on top of it all.”

It’s been more than a full year since the World Health Organization officially pronounced COVID-19 a pandemic, and it’s clear that we’ll be feeling the impact on our mental health as parents — as well as helping our kids navigate their own mental health struggles. Whether your children are very young or older and in college, this past year of social distancing, quarantine, distance learning, missed milestones, and possible deaths of loved ones has most assuredly affected them.

This doesn’t even take into account whether your kids normally deal with anxiety or depression — nor the influence of current events on children who are aware of just how many people have died due to COVID-19, the spike in anti-Asian hate, the civil uprisings, as well as the attack on the Capitol at the start of 2021. Even if your kids seem fine, continue to check in on them; the pandemic and its effects can take time to manifest. Plus, due to social stigma, shame, and a desire not to be a burden, adolescents and young adults may try to hide their struggles from loved ones.

How the pandemic has impacted mental health in children

African American mother consoling her sad girl at home.
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White mom of two Crystal T. has a 14-year-old daughter and a 6-year-old son who have both dealt with depression and anxiety in the past year, each shutting down completely at times. Crystal T. added that their struggles with ADHD also ramped up. “I sought professional help for my [daughter], finding her a therapist and psychiatrist. She is now on both an antidepressant and an ADHD medication.” She hasn’t sought therapy for her son yet because online counseling is too hard for him and in-person sessions aren’t an option right now.

Dr. Marcie Beigel, EdD, BCBA-D, centers her practice mostly on younger kids and tweens, and told Mom.com there has been an increase in mental health struggles within these age groups. “Kids are struggling with many of the same mental health struggles that adults are having. Ranging from depression to anxiety to social anxiety to isolation to suicidal ideation,” she said.

According to Mental Health America, children aged 11 to 17 years took the MHA screening test 9% more than the average in 2019. This group has been more likely than all other age groups to display signs of moderate to severe anxiety and depression. Across all age groups, this group experienced the highest rate of suicidal ideation — LGBTQIA+ kids, in particular. From January to September 2020, of the 77,470 kids (11 to 17 years old) who reported experiencing frequent suicidal ideation, 27,980 identified as LGBTQIA+.

Feeling lost and ill-equipped, many kids don’t know that these feelings and thoughts aren’t permanent and can be shifted. “They don’t know how to ask for help [or understand] that they are not alone in their experience,” explained Dr. Beigel. “The pandemic has also intensified many of the struggles that kids are having. If they were feeling a little out of sync before the pandemic, now they are feeling like an outcast. If they were struggling with expressing their anger, now they are having explosive behavior they feel they can’t control.”

An August 2020 Children’s Mental Health Ontario report drew upon 24 studies on the psychological impacts of quarantine, social distancing, and self-isolation from previous pandemics (e.g., SARS, H1N1), demonstrating negative psychological effects such as PTSD, confusion, and anger in children. Many of these effects are long-lasting, and some fears included being in quarantine longer, fear of loss of family and loved ones, and fears of infection. Kids also suffered from boredom, frustration, inadequate supplies and information, family financial losses, and stigma.

It is worth noting that many children who are not attending school in person may have difficulty accessing mental health care services normally offered through school. School-based health clinics provide almost 13% of US students both primary care and behavioral health services. Often located in schools with more low-income students, around 10% offer telehealth options, though many have closed, preventing access for vulnerable students. Of the 58% of adolescents who used the SBHCs for mental health services, more of these kids were low-income and minorities.

Signs of mental health struggles in kids

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Often, the symptoms of anxiety in children show up differently than in adults — many times because really young children don’t have the vocabulary to explain how they are doing. Even before the pandemic, 7.1% and 3.2% of kids aged 3 to 17 were diagnosed with anxiety and depression, respectively. In addition, 7.4% of kids were diagnosed with behavior problems, and 9.4% were diagnosed with ADHD.

“There were changes in their personalities and they seemed to regress in their abilities,” shared Crystal T. “Things that would normally be annoying brought them to tears. They stopped doing the things they used to enjoy. My 6-year-old refused to participate in school at all and only wanted to watch the same videos on repeat to self-soothe.”

“The signs of a struggle will be different depending on the age of your child and your child’s existing disposition,” said Dr. Beigel. “Mostly, you are looking for changes or shifts to their behavior. General guidelines are hard because there are so many variables.”

Dr. Beigel recommended some questions to ask yourself when looking for behavior changes:

  • Is your child sharing less?
  • Is your child spending more time alone in their room?
  • Is your child resistant to going outside or engaging in family activities that used to have more ease?
  • Is your child possibly escaping in virtual worlds such as video games or TV shows?
  • Is your child constantly talking about negative elements of their life?
  • Is there ongoing active fighting happening in your home?
  • What does your child say during fights? (This will give you insight to how they are thinking about the world.)
  • Has disrespect or aggression increased?
  • Does your child seem to be eating significantly less or more?
  • Does your child appear to be more withdrawn?

For Black working mom of four Danielle M. Wilson, she said her extroverted and athletic teenage son tested positive for COVID antibodies after experiencing a lot of COVID symptoms at the beginning of the pandemic. “By late summer, we ended up seeing every specialist imaginable — pediatric gastroenterologist, cardiologist, and finally a neurologist who suggested it was multi-symptom anxiety manifesting itself physically,” Wilson shared with Mom.com. “Insomnia became an issue,” she added. “It’s all been exhausting.”

Jeanie Y. Chang, LMFT, CMHIMP, CCTP recommended parents watch out for when their loved ones lose interest in things they’d normally enjoy. “They’re disengaged, disillusioned, showing blunted affect (no emotion) and disinterest. Those are signs of burnout which can also be similar to depressive symptoms,” she told Mom.com. “Teens are more hormonal so sometimes their behavior isn’t necessarily mental health struggles but more a normal symptom of their psychosocial stage of development,” she cautioned.

According to the Academy of American Pediatrics, these are some symptoms of anxiety and depression in infants, toddlers, and really young children:

  • Regression in their skills and developmental milestones
  • Increased fussiness, irritability, startling, and crying
  • More difficult to comfort and console
  • Feeding issues, increased acid reflux, stomach pains, constipation or diarrhea
  • Increased clinginess and unwillingness to explore new situations
  • More and more intense tantrums and acting out
  • Bedwetting after potty-training
  • Inability to feel satisfied after urgently expressing their needs
  • Themes of conflict and aggression cropping up in their play

Pediatrician Dr. Steph Lee explained to Mom.com that besides the normal symptoms of feeling sad for more than two or three weeks at a time, your kids can also seem persistently tired. “In younger children, it can manifest as acting out, throwing more tantrums than usual, or more clingy than usual. It can be a vicious cycle because this may stress parents out, too, so parents have to make sure to also be mindful of their own self-care,” the spokesperson for the AAP added. “Talk to your pediatrician if you’re worried things are worsening.”

For older children and adolescents, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggests looking for the following signs of depression and anxiety:

  • Experiencing repeat episodes of panic such as heart pounding, trouble breathing, dizziness, feeling shaky or dizzy
  • Feeling extreme fear about specific things or situations (e.g.: insects, doctors)
  • Feeling very worried about the future and expecting bad things to happen
  • Constant feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and irritability
  • No longer enjoying or wanting to do fun things — or things they used to find fun
  • Changes in eating, sleeping, and energy patterns
  • Difficulty paying attention
  • Feelings of worthlessness, uselessness, or guilt
  • Self-harm and self-destructive behavior

“At his neuro visit last month we both broke into tears when she suggested he just see a therapist,” added Wilson. “Not because of the recommendation (we think it’s an essential tool regardless) but because he physically has felt awful for months. And the idea of it being all in his head is understandably frustrating to him.” For context, Wilson further explained she’d discussed similar issues with adult friends who were also diagnosed early on only to have their physical symptoms dismissed.

Most important, remember that there are child psychologists, child psychiatrists, social workers, and mental health counselors who are trained to work with your child. “Seek professional help if symptoms are persistent, interfere with functioning, or involve loss of sleep or appetite, self-injurious or aggressive behavior, or thoughts of self-harm,” Dina Hirshfeld-Becker, PhD, told Mom.com. Hirshfeld-Becker, the co-founder and co-director of the Child Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Program at the Massachusetts General Hospital, added, “Since it can be difficult to find mental health providers with quick availability, talking to your child’s pediatrician is a good place to start, as they may be able to begin treatment, refer to behavioral health specialists in their practice, or assist with finding community resources.”

How to help your child manage depression or anxiety

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Few things are as frustrating and helplessness-inducing as seeing your child suffer. For Wilson, their family made some big changes to help her teen. “In order to help him cope, we ended up amping up our time spent outdoors with hiking, family runs, etc.,” she shared. “Where online gaming kept him connected to friends, insomnia became an issue so we started having him meditate before bed and removing his phone from his room. It’s all been exhausting.” Motivated in huge part by her experience, Wilson created a resource to help other families in similar situations.

Dr. Lee suggested parents lean into their child’s strengths. “If your child loved playing on a sports team but can’t now, try solo workout drills or practice technical skills with a parent instead,” she suggested. “If they were into the arts, schedule a virtual recital or gallery and invite friends and family. Now that it may be getting warmer, spend more time outdoors — never underestimate the power of the sun to lift people’s spirits.”

Crystal T. shared that some of her son’s anxiety has been relieved by more trips to the park and quality time with her and her husband. “Hiring a nanny who could focus her attention on him and give him one-on-one help with schoolwork has also done wonders,” she said. She also requested workload reductions at school and added quality time with each kid doing something they choose.

According to Chang, here are some ways you can help your child deal with their depression and anxiety:

  • Praise and affirm by focusing on what your kids are doing well and what they’re good at instead of looking at the things they could do better.
  • Reflectively listen by mirroring your kids nonverbally and verbally so they feel welcomed to share more.
  • Initiate conversations on difficult topics like racism, mental health, peer pressure, and social media so you can stay on top of what’s going on.
  • Engage enthusiastically in whatever your kids are showing interest in (e.g., sports, activities, friends, etc.).

“Talk to your kids about mental health. Share what depression and anxiety is. If you are not sure, learn for yourself also,” advised Dr. Beigel. “Ask them how they are feeling and what they are feeling.”

Because physical health is linked to mental health, here are some ways you can encourage your kids’ physical health:

  • Let your kids go outside and run around. Have them get as much sun (and vitamin D) as possible.
  • Eat whole foods such as vegetables and fruit.
  • Find safe ways to play with other children such as through technology.

Finally, be aware of your own mental health and well-being. Get help and support if you are also struggling with depression and anxiety. Chang has also seen an uptick in parents seeking therapy due to burnout. “Working from home, managing virtual learning with and for their kids has taken its toll,” she said. Chang emphasized that self-care is family and community care; it should be a top priority or the kids will end up struggling as well.