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The current lockdown due to the COVID-19 crisis has affected all of our relationships. Helping our kids keep in touch with friends during this time is a challenge, to say the least. We can let them text, Zoom, and chat on walks with the proper social distancing in place, but it doesn’t change the fact that our children need real social interaction to grow.
“One of the key skills of childhood — maybe the key skill — is relationship-building," pediatrician Cara Natterson, MD, told Mom.com. "Learning how to interact with others becomes the foundation for almost every corner of life.”
It’s hard to know what the right move it to help your kids’ friendships prosper during these challenging times when some parents have different views on social interaction and the real concerns over lockdown protocol.
Coping skills for loneliness
Sometimes you can try to do everything right but your child will still feel lonely. This could be a result of feeling left out if other parents are less strict about social distancing and getting together for playdates. Some parents are strictly following lockdown rules with no get-togethers, while others feel that keeping up with a core group of friends and adhering to social distancing when together is fine. Yet others seem to think playing and sharing toys is acceptable.
They could also simply be overwhelmed by the situation. California mom Jennifer Platner described her preschool daughter’s frustration to Mom.com: “She started to cry on a Zoom call because her friend kept running off-camera. I had to explain to her that her friend was trying to go to a spot in her room to share things but couldn’t. It’s taken some getting used to.”
Encourage your child to reach out to you, his friends, and even grandparents to talk. Spend some time in the house doing things a bit differently. Rather than just watch television all day, grab a big puzzle and make it a family endeavor to put it together. The challenge and connection can help children cope with loneliness, especially if they are always playing alone now.
Reach out to the school and see if there is a counselor available for your child to speak with. Schools aren’t just doing remote learning, they are providing as many resources as possible to help all children get through the lockdown. A counselor can help your child connect with her feelings of loneliness and might also help provide you with ideas to do things a little differently at home that can fight lonely feelings.
No matter what, listen to your child and let him talk to you. Your child’s age might affect how well he deals with web chats. Kids might be frustrated with video calls because they want to play. Their friends might not have the attention span to stay on a video chat. Explain to your child that everyone is still friends, but just dealing with things differently.
Children’s friendships and technology
Technology is our friend and we are lucky to have it during this period. Think about it, if we were ordered to socially isolate without access to communication tools, we’d be in a worse situation. Technology isn’t a perfect solution but allows kids to remain connected even if they can’t be in the same room. Natterson continued, “Technology is a gift here. Between phone, text, video chat, apps, and social media, kids of all ages can interact. No, it’s not exactly the same. But it’s a healthy substitute for now when the only alternative is isolation."
Just as you would schedule a playdate, make sure to schedule Zoom calls and even group chats so your children can spend time with their friends. Add a game that can be played online to give the playdate some structure and help kids find things to talk about if they are having trouble holding a conversation.
Ways to cope with anxiety in kids
The lockdown is stressful for everyone and kids aren’t impervious to any of it. Their entire lives are disrupted, from school shutdowns to fears of dying, it’s a lot of weight for little shoulders to carry. If we look to China as an example of what is likely to happen, 1 in 5 children in the Wuhan area report depression. One way to battle this is to help our children maintain friendships.
Laughter is real medicine, helping all of us reduce stress and cope with life’s struggles. When we help our children maintain friendships during the pandemic lockdown, we help facilitate the natural relationships that help our children find joy and laughter.
As parts of communities open back up, take advantage of being able to go to parks and open space areas to meet up with friends. Be sure to explain to your children about social distancing and remind them to not just keep their distance but to also not share toys — sharing is nice, just not during a pandemic.
