Dear Mom,
Remember when you sent me to a regular high school instead of homeschooling me? I was so scared that I wouldn’t make friends, and my teachers wouldn’t like me, and I’d get bad grades because you weren’t there to catch me when I would fall. You sent me anyway, and you told me that you knew I could do it, that you knew I wouldn’t fall — I’d fly. I can’t thank you enough for stepping back and letting me thrive on my own, because I’ve gained so much confidence since then.
I wanted to remind you of that because I wanted to tell you that that’s the way you can help me gain confidence: You recognized what I could do on my own, and then you let me.
You gave me independence so I could see my worth separately from your help, and you encouraged me along the way.
When I was able to see that I could complete assignments on my own, make friends without you setting it up, and achieve my goals without external help, I realized I am so much stronger than I thought.
Sometimes, stepping back means I’ll make mistakes, get hurt, or fail at something. I don’t want you to be worried about that, because even getting hurt or failing can make me confident.
Even getting hurt or failing can make me confident.
It’s like when you let me have a boyfriend, and it didn’t work out. I still gained confidence, knowing I have experience under my belt and I didn’t do so bad. It lasted seven months, and I’m still proud of that. I got hurt, but I’m confident — because I see that I’m handling it and I’m able to move on.
It also helps when you redefine failure.
Mom, if I’m honest, my expectations for myself are higher than yours are, and I see every mistake as a failure. I beat myself up over little things, but when you said, “There’s nothing you can do that is unforgivable or that makes you unlovable,” I realized that no matter what, my mistakes don’t define me. That has helped me so much.
Mom, my expectations for myself are higher than yours are, and I see every mistake as a failure.
When I make a mistake, I feel like I’m the only one messing up, despite how illogical that really is. When you tell me about how you said something and it came out wrong and made a mess of a situation, I feel better because I do that, too, and now I’m not alone in that. Normalizing mistakes helps me feel like I’m not the only one who doesn’t always make the right decisions. So keep doing that. Keep pointing out when you make mistakes, too.
One of the best things you’ve done for me has been to challenge me to do the tough stuff.
When I was getting bad grades because my partner in class was sabotaging the project, you didn’t save the day. You coached me on how to be my own hero and write the email to remedy the situation.
When I was struggling to understand something, you pushed me to write the teacher directly and ask for help.
When my friend was being mean, you asked me why I hadn’t confronted him yet.
Whether it was hard conversations, emails, or meetings, you didn’t let me off the hook. I was scared. I was worried. I imagined the worst would happen. You knew all of this. Still, you also knew it wouldn’t be so bad. And you knew I could do it. Knowing I’m not helpless, I see myself as a capable young woman.
When I do something awesome, I love it when you say you’re proud and we go out to celebrate.
It’s so fun to have someone else be excited with me over cool opportunities — so thanks for always being my No. 1 fan! Mom, keep being interested in what I do. That way, you’re there to see my victories and celebrate. It feels great that someone takes an interest in what I enjoy doing.
I feel like I’m cool when you think I’m interesting.
You’re the first person I want to tell when something exciting happens, and I know you love when I tell you about what’s happening in my life. Thank you for being such an amazing mom — you have been instrumental in helping me build my confidence.
Love,
Emily
