As the mother of two girls who are considered to be part of Gen Z (anyone born between the years of 1997 and 2012, according to the Pew Research Center, although other sources contend it extends as far as 2014), I am constantly thinking about the ways I can raise daughters who grow up to be successful, confident women.
I am watching my girls on the cusp of adulthood, that sweet age teetering between a childhood of playing with dolls and the age of sneaking into my room to steal my earrings and makeup. (Seriously, kid, I need those earrings back.) When I think about all the hardships of growing up, from periods to boys breaking their hearts to that first time they will be dismissed simply for being a girl, I wish I could blaze a trail for them out in the world, a mama knight brandishing a shield and sword to keep them safe.
But I know I can’t do that. So, instead, to all the Gen Z girls of the world, here’s what I want you to know.
You don't have to be nice
It’s among the most shocking things we could say as women, isn’t it? Just writing those words felt wrong to me, and I imagined my mother reading them with a disapproving shake of her head. But here’s the thing: Not being nice doesn’t mean being a jerk, or bullying, or whatever you are imagining right now. It simply means that you don’t owe anyone else anything simply because you’re a girl.
You don’t have to be nice to that boy who pesters you for a date. You don’t have to be nice to your first boss who treats you poorly. You don’t have to be nice when you’re hurting or sad or just tired. You’re allowed to say no and set boundaries and, for heaven’s sake, you’re allowed to not smile in the presence of men older than you.
You are so beautiful
Seriously, you are. I’m not even just talking about outward beauty, although let’s face it, thanks to all those YouTube video tutorials, you have a heck of an advantage compared to your moms’ adolescent years.
I’m talking about the beauty that exists within you, because you have the world at your fingertips. You don’t know it yet, but you are doing so much, from school to sports to navigating a world that is rife with anger, and the grace with which you are carrying yourself through it astounds me. You have the power to choose your future, and that’s a beautiful thing.
You're not the ones we need to worry about
You know how everyone is saying we need to worry about the teens and smartphones? Um, have you looked around lately? I kind of think it’s the adults that have the problem — because we aren’t the ones who grew up with them.
To you, technology interwoven into the fabric of our everyday lives is just normal, so honestly, it’s no big deal. But to those of us who grew up with things like physical video rental stores and dial-up internet, those little computers in the palm of our hands can be mighty alluring. So, don’t listen to grownups who say that you’re the problem. Harness the power you know for good as you grow. But maybe not just TikTok.
You’re already doing it
Most of all, the thing I want you to know is that, girls, you’re already doing it.
You’re already growing up to be more confident, powerful women than I could have ever dreamed of. You’re doing things like speaking up on the issues that matter; you’re realizing your own power, and you’re not letting your worth be tied to your size or weight or what some boy thinks of you. You’re advocating to save our planet, you’re enacting real change — and yes, that may be in the form of VSCO girl metal straws, but it’s progress.
The truth is, you never needed us old folks to show you the way.
You’re already doing just fine on your own. And I couldn’t be more proud of the women you are growing up to be.
Now, if you could just let me know if I can pull off wearing the scrunchies I have saved from the ’90s, that would be great. #sksksksk
