Welcome to the tween years. Gulp. The last dance of childhood. It gets me worked up when I think about the fact that my child is about to close the chapters of childhood, and soon enough, enter a new saga called the teenage years. Tweendom is a precious time where our babies need us, don’t need us, don’t want us and want us, all at once! While your tween is way more independent and requires less hands-on care than she once did, she still needs you more than you know.
If you’re just entering this tween period, welcome and also, be prepared that it’s not all cheesy dramatic television shows, unicorns, and Roblox. The tween world is a world that’s a bit sweet, a tad sassy, and a little more complex than ou may have remembered. So, sit back and read these six things you must know if you’re parenting a tween girl.
1. Her body does things, sometimes
Don’t be surprised if your child stinks, sometimes. Don’t be surprised if your little girl suddenly has body hair or body development. Honestly, watching your girl transform into the next stage of womanhood is a little cruel. There’s a huge part of you that will want to protect her, another part of you that will be so proud of her, and yet another small part that will be amazed at how quickly she changed without even asking you if she could!
Also — don’t be surprised if your kid is not developing like some of her other peers. Don’t be surprised if she’s still puttering along, while some of her classmates are shooting up like weeds. Tweendom is a world where bodies are distinctly so different — once reminiscent of childhood and also, a beginning to a new being you’ve not quite met yet.
And neither has your child.
2. Her body sometimes even does the biggest thing
If your tween gets her period, don’t be shocked, even if you didn’t get your period until later on. Some girls start their menstrual cycles earlier than others and if your tween starts her period, be prepared to handle it a little more differently than you would if she were older.
Your tween may need a lot more guidance, support, and direction if she starts her period early because as I said before — she’s still doing her last dance of childhood, and how many children want to interrupt their play to deal with a period?
None. Not even us adults!
So, you may find yourself giving a lot more coaching as you help her through this huge change.
Three pointers: be positive, be encouraging, and try out period underwear for tweens. You’ll only wish you could have had them when you were starting out on your period. No girl’s life should be shut down by her period — at any age. Support her to accept the change and move forward.
3. She will vacillate from baby to big girl in .2 seconds
If your tween tells you, “I’ve got it, Mom,” or avoids your hugs like you’re an alien who’s come to take her to another planet, don’t be surprised if a few seconds later she asks to sleep in bed with you or wants to play in the tub like she did when she was 5 years old.
Picture your tween girl on a seesaw — on one end, she wants to tower up high, looking down, feeling confident and independent. On the other end, she wants the comfort of being at the bottom, near the ground, secure in childhood and familiar things she knows.
She’s not an angsty teen who is ready to depart from you and make her friends her social circle, but sometimes she wants to test how independent she is… knowing you’ll still be there.
Expect her to test out these two worlds of little kid and big kid, continuously.
4. She may be thinking about romance — between same or opposite sex
It’s not unusual for my kid to tell me a friend of hers likes girls or for my daughter to be aware of people who identify as LGBTQ. In my house, we are allies of the community!
Despite how taboo or rarely discussed this was during my own tween years, times have changed, and children tend to be (at least where I live) more open about sexuality and identity. Be prepared that she could have questions or have friends (or even herself) who express feelings of romantic love for the same sex or the opposite.
The bottom line? I tell my daughter while she is way too little to worry about romantic love, it is normal to start thinking about these things at this age. The most important thing however, is for us to teach our girls that their relationship with themselves is the most important thing, and their families and friends thereafter.
Romantic relationships are thankfully, not a common (and shouldn’t be!) occurrence in the tween years. They’re too young for that — but it’s normal to think, feel, and talk about love in this stage.
5. She still needs coaching
Have you ever told your 10-year-old to brush their teeth three times? Then you know what I mean!
Your tween still needs help. Some tweens are horrible at washing themselves properly, while others can’t seem to keep their room from looking like a tornado hit. It’s also not uncommon to be coaching your tween on her table manners.
As much as you’d love to pass the torch and stop worrying about such basic tasks, your tween gal still needs some help. Of course, your tween who is flirting with her upcoming adolescent independence may not agree with you that she needs the help, but insist and show her the way.
Eventually, it’ll stick… although her room may always be a mess!
And lastly…
6. She needs support with her friendships
While her friends aren’t her entire world like they will be in adolescence, they definitely become a bigger part of their daily focus. They’re less apt to be entertained by you, and more apt to want to be wherever their friends are. This is also an age where, as bodies and hormonal development start to begin for girls, learning healthy friendship patterns are important. Don’t be surprised if your tween feels left out, feels different than other tweens, or struggles with feelings of jealousy.
Here are a few things most tween girls don’t know what to do — and need your help with:
- Expressing negative feelings to a friend in a healthy way
- Learning online behaviors that support good friendships — especially in today’s COVID world
- Expressing jealousy in a healthy way and understanding those complex feelings
- Building confidence with peers
- Coping with feelings like being left out, etc.
Your tween girl is dealing with new feelings and new relationship dynamics, so help them learn how to cope! This will only fare better for them when they enter the next chapter of their lives, the teen years. Not to mention, since your girl is a tween and not “Ms. I Know It All Teenager,” she may be more apt to listen to you now, more than ever.
The tween years are a wonderful time in which your girl is fun, smart, and easier to talk to than ever before. But don’t forget the complexities of this stage of development. Our tween girls need us!
