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Tweens are stuck in the middle of desperately trying to step up on the independence scale while not being mature enough to make many decisions entirely on their own. If your tween has a party coming up, it behooves a mom to openly talk about the activities, attendees, and potential peer pressure actions that can lead to poor decisions or make your tween uncomfortable.
What exactly is a tween party?
A tween party is a party where the attendees are not yet teenagers. This group of partiers doesn’t want the same “kids games,” yet they still need assistance in planning the party and supervision for the party. The tween party could be a pool party, a sleepover or a third-party event location where the tweens will want to laugh and play without a lot of structure or parental eyes.
Realize you will likely need to spend most of the party out of the sight of the kids at a tween party. This is a normal desire for the kids but probably a big adjustment for parents who are used to capturing every moment with videos and photos. Don’t worry, there will be a lot of documenting of the party, although it will likely be through selfies instead.
What actually happens at a tween party?
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Just because tweens want more autonomy and privacy doesn’t mean you can’t have a few games or activities for them to enjoy. In fact, tweens might enjoy the challenge of an activity like an escape room where they can work together against the clock.
Some of the games you can plan for a tween party include:
Hanging Donuts: Hang two donuts from a tree branch or something similar. Two contestants race to eat the hanging donuts without using their hands.
Egg Toss: The aged-old barbecue favorite is still a big hit with tweens who laugh as they work hard to avoid smashing an egg all over their new shoes.
Roll a Sundae: A fun twist on dessert. Lay out a mix of six sundae toppings, allowing each person to roll the dice to see how many toppings they can scoop on.
Limbo: Doing the limbo is a fun yet challenging game to run. Your back’s flexibility might not be able to match that of the tweens, but that’s the beauty of their youth.
Tweens want the chance to talk about the cute guy or girl they have a crush on or have conversations that they feel are more adult. Remember that while tweens want more autonomy, you want some structure to prevent trouble from brewing, such as a group wandering off to experiment with things they shouldn’t (such as vaping, cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol).
Listen to what Gretchen Weinzimer, a mom to twin teens, had to say about the first tween parties she hosted. “All the leg work I did as a mom early on really paid off,” she told Mom.com. This means making sure you are having open and honest communication leading into the tween years.
Questions parents should ask
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The tween party won’t have a lot of other adults in attendance and you may not know some of the kids in your tweens’ expanding social circle. Be sure to ask questions about everyone attending and set the expectations of your own child for the party rules.
Some questions parents should ask before hosting a tween party include:
- Who will be invited and coming to the party?
- What do these kids normally talk about?
- How do I reach their parents if there are any concerns?
- How many and what types of activities do you want?
- Can everyone abide by the house rules?
Asking these questions “is your job as a parent,” Sheena Hill of Parenting Works told Mom.com. “You and your teen need to make an informed choice.”
Realize that experimenting is starting earlier for kids due to group-think mentality, she cautions. “Believe it or not, tweens are doing the same drinking, vaping, drugs, and sex that teens are doing,” she continued. Stay vigilant as a parent and know what’s going on.
Some questions parents should ask before sending their child to a tween party include:
- Who is supervising the party and what is their phone number?
- Are there planned activities?
- What is the start and end time of the party?
- Will kids be allowed to come and go as they please?
- Are there older kids or adults where alcohol may be at the party?
Using “Plan X”
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Whether you are throwing the party or sending your child to one, moving into the world of tween parties requires trust. Parents must trust that their kids are responsible but prepare them for what could be some significant peer pressure situations.
Gretchen suggested using Plan X, a text code started by a West Virginia dad to help tweens and teens deal with peer pressure. By texting the letter “X” — or some other predetermined letter or symbol — to their parents, kids can discreetly signal if they become uncomfortable at a party and want to be picked up. With Plan X, parents agree to come and get them, no questions asked. By setting parameters and planning ahead, parents can help tweens safely enjoy their next step to independence.
