That 4th trimester can be a real doozy when you have other kids. You're dragging yourself around wondering if you're ever going to feel normal again, all while falling madly in love with your new baby. The mix of emotions is enough to leave you sobbing over the kitchen sink at any moment, and something as simple as brushing your teeth feels like a chore, but on top of all that, you're caring for your other children.
There are beautiful moments of bonding with your baby woven into some stressful times. You will have days when you want — and need — more help, but you're so tired you have no idea what to ask for.
You know in the end it will all be worth it and yes, you love your baby more than life itself, but that doesn’t mean the 4th trimester isn’t still incredibly hard the second, third, or fourth time around. It’s chaotic and hectic and you feel outnumbered because, well, you are.
But there's some good news. From a mom of three: Trust me, the 4th trimester can get easier with each child in many ways. Here are just some of the reasons:
You've learned from your first 4th trimester
If it didn’t work for you then, it might not work for you now. If there’s something you do or don’t want to do, listen to your feelings about this. Co-sleeping with my firstborn worked for us despite his pediatrician telling me it was a bad idea. I fought it for a while but realized it was the only way we would all get some sleep.
When I brought his siblings home, we co-slept. I didn’t bother sleep training them or asking anyone for advice, and this saved so much angst.
You can let things go
Since you've been here before, you know what’s important. Your health, the baby's health, taking care of their sibling, sleep, and doing things that make you feel better. You know that keeping the house clean and fitting into your pre-baby clothes are trivial, and getting back to semi-regular life will come in time. There’s no rushing it stressing yourself out.
All three of my kids were in diapers at the same time. Instead of feeling like I had to change a diaper the second they wet themselves, I realized it was OK if we all took a beat and waited a minute.
I was nursing my youngest once when my oldest was having a meltdown and my middle child was pooping her diaper. I started to panic for a minute, then realized there was nothing I could do because I wasn’t going to stop feeding my child who had been screaming. After all, he was hungry.
Guess what? We survived and all learned a lesson on patience that day.
You get to watch your older children and newborn bond
The day my husband went to get our two toddlers to introduce them to our brother was magical. It’s amazing to share a new person with your partner, but sharing them with their siblings is an entirely different kind of magic.
You learn how to do four things at once
There will be times when you will be on fire. Once I was holding my newborn, making lunch, and picking up the dog’s toy with my toes because it was underneath the cupboards where she couldn’t reach it and she was barking at me.
I was like, “Look at me, I can do anything!” But alas, that energy doesn’t last. So, while there are times you feel invincible and are getting it all done, don’t expect yourself to run at that speed all the time.
It’s a great time to teach your other children to share their mom
Yes, this is messy and may leave you in tears. There will be times when your heart will break because you feel like you are neglecting one child to take care of another. Trust me, you aren’t. The greatest gift you can give your kids is a sibling. They will have one another when they are younger, and when you are gone.
It may be hard for them to understand, but believe me, they will get it soon and realize this is simply the way it is now. I honestly think having three kids so close together has helped my kids learn really well how to deal with change, disappointment, and having to share things.
The 4th trimester the third time around meant I was more stressed, had more to do, got less sleep, and kept wearing my maternity clothes a lot longer, but there were definite upsides. In the long run, none of that mattered half as much as all the love that was happening under our roof.
And let's be real: Anything is better than the very first time you experience the complete and utter shock that is the newborn days.
