As I write this, I am currently 10 days postpartum with my fifth child. I am fresh out of the hospital, where we had a six-day NICU stay and I am feeling all the postpartum things — from tears that won’t stop flowing to exhaustion so deep my bones hurt to a ravenous hunger that I’m too tired to actually do anything about but still leaves me wishing someone would bring me a burger.
The point is, none of this postpartum life is new to me, and yet I am reminded — for the fifth time — how freaking hard postpartum recovery is. Just when you think you have it under control, life throws you a new curveball, like a baby with colic or a NICU stay or a case of mastitis. I know so many moms who go into the postpartum period thinking it will be easy-breezy, like a fun vacation, but the truth is, it’s anything but.
Everyone’s experience will be different and while I sincerely hope that you have the celebrity version where you bounce back and have abs by day three and are hand-fed nutritious smoothies to stay energized, let’s just brush up on a few facts that you may not have heard about postpartum recovery, just in case:
You might think your baby is ugly (and that’s OK)
Listen, not all newborns are cute, and that’s a fact. I mean, think of where they came from and the journey they had to take to get here. I just gave birth to a baby who mostly resembles my father and while I love her to pieces, I know she will grow past the “looks like a grumpy old man” stage. If you’re just not loving your baby’s looks just yet, don’t panic — it will come with time.
The same goes for that overwhelming feeling of love you probably heard so much about. Every mom and baby is different, and sometimes, it just takes more time to fall in love, especially if you had any extenuating circumstances, like a traumatic birth, a NICU stay, or some other type of separation. Don’t panic — I promise, it’s normal.
You will become strangely bonded to mesh underwear
Those mesh panties are the only thing that seems to understand you right now. They are what stand between you and the real world, where people are expected to wear real underwear. Those mesh panties represent the weird in-between world that you live in right now and it may be hard to let those go. So don’t. Hang on to every stolen hospital pair for as long as you want, mama.
Your boobs will reach scary proportions
When your milk comes in, your boobs will reach sizes you never thought possible. Your boobs may scare you, scare your partner, scare any other kids you have, and they will most likely scare anyone who visits or sees you in public. But be proud of those milk-makers, because they are doing amazing things whether you choose to breastfeed or not. And they will (eventually) resume a normalish size again — promise.
Two words: night sweats
The No. 1 thing I wish someone had warned me about in the postpartum time is how awful night sweats would be. Especially if you happen to deliver in the summer, or were lucky enough to experience a lot of fluid and swelling during your pregnancy, your body will work double time to “flush” that fluid out of you — usually in the form of sweating at night.
No one prepped me for this lovely little postpartum symptom, so take it from me, and be sure to have a few sets of extra sheets on hand for the first week or so and know that you’re totally normal if you wake up drenched in cold sweat.
Your pads are a helpful 'overdoing it' warning
In general, you will bleed for around 4 to 6 weeks after having a baby, but every woman is different, especially depending on what kind of healing your body has to do. But what you may not know is that your bleeding can serve as a helpful guide to alert you when you’re overdoing it. What do I mean by this? Well, you may feel fine and be back to your “normal” routine “cleaning and rocking out” tasks, but if you notice that your bleeding has increased, it’s a sign that you’re probably overdoing it. Pay attention to your bleeding and when your flow increases, it’s time to sit down and put your feet up.
Six weeks is not enough
Listen, six weeks is nothing. Six weeks is a blip in time. Six weeks is an embarrassingly short time to try to recover from something that took you nine months to achieve. You put your body through one of the most physically challenging things in life. So, even if you get an “all clear” to resume normal activity at your 6-week checkup, you should proceed with caution.
Take more time if you feel like you need more time, talk to a pelvic floor therapist if you’re experiencing any symptoms like urinary incontinence or pain with sex, work with an exercise specialist who knows how to protect your core, and don’t rush any aspect of your healing.
The same goes for the opposite end of the spectrum: Postpartum depression can kick in as early as 3 weeks after birth, so if you are experiencing any symptoms, such as loss of appetite or interest in normal activities or having any thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby, speak to your doctor right away. Don’t feel like you have to wait until your 6-week checkup.
Visitors will always come by when you’re naked
It’s like a Murphy’s Law of being postpartum: The second you whip out a boob, or try to shower, or even try something crazy like go to the bathroom without a baby attached to you, someone will be at the door. I don’t know how it happens every time, but it does.
It’s part of the reason I spend 99.99% of my postpartum time in a nightgown, because it never seems worth the effort to try to go to change, because it’s just asking someone to knock on my door.
You get to choose
I feel like this is an important one, and one that many moms don’t get to hear. We are inundated with the message that motherhood means “more.” More multitasking, more organization, more life hacks, more meal prep, more time management, more early mornings, more hustle — more, more, more.
But here’s the thing: Starting with your postpartum recovery, you really do get to choose. You get to choose if you take private time for you and your family. You get to choose when you take your baby out in public. You get to choose the pace you want to set for motherhood. You don’t have to buy into someone else’s version of motherhood and you don’t have to rush to add even more to your life.
Even if you don’t have all the choices you want right now in your work life or your personal life, you do get to choose the type of mother you want to be. And that — mesh panties, scary boobs, bleeding and leaking body, and all — really is a beautiful thing.
