The newborn days are grueling — there’s no denying that. Every mom who has experienced it can quickly recall the many challenges they faced during the so-called fourth trimester. While it’s a time filled with wonder and joy, it’s also a time of both emotional and physical ups and downs. The craziest part is that for many, many years the status quo was to keep quiet and endure it, so for generations, most women had no idea what to expect and entered into motherhood not knowing what they were about to face.
While you can never fully know what those first few months with a new baby are really like until you’ve experienced it yourself, there’s a lot of value in the more open, honest way that we approach motherhood in the 21st century. From books and blogs to YouTube and social media, lots of moms share their fourth trimester experiences quite candidly these days, and we are totally here for it. If you want an idea of what to expect — from the pretty and precious to the down and dirty — check out these tweets about the fourth trimester, straight from real moms.
We need help
Moms were never meant to do it alone. We may not live in villages and tight-knit communities now, but we need “our people” to help us through the fourth trimester all the same. There’s no shame in taking all the help you can get, especially from your partner. But still, it’s often so, so hard to ask for that help.
My, my, how things have changed
Who would’ve ever thought pre-baby that we’d be celebrating a whopping four straight hours of sleep?! But to new parents that’s a BIG. FREAKING. DEAL. Four may as well be nine at this point.
Expectations vs. reality
It’s so hard to come to terms with what you thought your maternity leave would be like, compared to what it’s actually like. In those first few months after baby is born, the nights are short, the days are long, there’s so much learning to do, and you constantly feel like you’re being pulled in a million directions.
Normal things feel hard
It’s a total shock to realize that after your body has spent nine months doing so much, it struggles to do even the most basic things. Physical recovery takes months and months for most postpartum moms, and even walking down the street or up the stairs can feel strenuous in the beginning.
Everybody has an opinion
Yes, sometimes as new moms we need advice. Most of the time though, unsolicited opinions are just overwhelming and confusing. Trying not to be rude when everyone wants to weigh in on how you parent your new baby is definitely a major challenge.
All you can do is cope
Truly… between the lack of sleep that’s so ubiquitous amongst new parents, all the laundry, constantly being peed and pooped on and all the other things that come along with a newborn, a lot of the time, all we can hope for is to “cope” reasonably well from day to day.
Naps are a science
Yes, yes, yes. Trying to figure out life around a newborn baby’s much-needed naps is basically a full-time job. Much to the surprise of many moms, not every newborn sleeps all the time, and they often sleep at the least convenient times.
Tiptoe, tiptoe
With your first baby, you’ll feel the need to be super quiet every single time they doze off. Sleep is so precious, you just will — even if you try not to. Every sound is amplified and you’re constantly walking on tiptoes.
Going through the motions
Ever heard the term “mombie”? It’s not a lie. It’s amazing how much moms can do on such little sleep, but eventually it catches up to us. Honestly, it doesn’t feel very good in the moment, but we’re often great at hiding just how sleep-deprived we actually are. So not healthy!
To buy or not to buy
By the time you have your baby nine or even 10 months after getting pregnant, most of your pre-pregnancy clothes aren’t going to fit. Even if you get back to your original weight relatively quickly, a lot of the time our pre-pregnancy clothes are stretched out from wearing them early in the pregnancy. Maternity clothes are quickly too big and many new moms end up stuck between sizes. Most of us feel guilty even thinking about buying new clothes when we know our bodies are still changing, and it’s truly a dilemma. So what do we say? Go ahead and buy new clothes that fit you right now. You’ll feel so much better about your appearance that it’s totally worth it.
Oh, the horror
Wearing a bathing suit for the first time after giving birth is one of the most intimidating things to happen to women postpartum. Not only are we struggling to accept the changes to our bodies, but now we have to put on the most revealing piece of clothing that we’ll ever wear in public. It’s such a mental hurdle.
Postpartum depression and anxiety are real
Sometimes postpartum depression and/or anxiety are bold and forward and impossible to ignore. Other times, we struggle to recognize them for what they are and keeping pushing on without help. Either way, they are real and serious and can be totally all-consuming. Just know you are not alone and it’s important to seek out help — for you and the baby.
That was unexpected
A lot of women wonder whether they are suffering from a serious health problem when they notice postpartum hair loss. In fact, it’s a totally normal thing that happens to most women after they give birth, but it is often so severe that we can’t help but worry. But know that this, too, is only just a phase.
Socializing just isn't a priority
The last thing women need after giving birth is to feel guilty that we aren’t making time to socialize with family and friends. Listen, new moms are stretched so thin between baby, partner, and home that they should be given a pass for at least a year. Friends and family should always offer to come to them, understand missed calls and unreturned texts, drop all expectations, and be there with open arms when mama is ready to resurface.
Hormonal hot mess
If you thought the horomonal roller coaster was a lot when you were pregnant, you might be surprised to see it can get worse. Especially if you’re breastfeeding. Moms in the fourth trimester often feel sweaty, stinky, restless, cry at the drop of a dime, and get angry or impatient super quickly. So, yeah…that’s a party.
