Toddlers are interesting little people. One minute they are independent, and the next they won't allow you to get a moment alone to handle your personal business. As moms, we know that at some point it's good for both us and them to have some solo time. Nurturing the independence skill in your child gives them many benefits that they will need when they are older and "bored."
As an added benefit, a mom's mental load can rest when she has some quiet space in her day. Sure, this all sounds great, but how do you teach your child to play alone? How can you manage a toddler that has trouble parting from their caregiver? The first step is to start small and try the steps below to work through the separation anxiety you might be experiencing.
Set up the right toys
Playspace design is a hot topic and it can be hard to know where to start. For each kind of play time, there are actually types of toys that work best. Research has shown that passive toys encourage children to take a more active role during play time. Offer your child blocks, dolls, kitchen play sets, and other toys without music, lights, and other excitement. The right types of toys allow your child to tap into their creativity and get involved in creating the action.
Invest in open-ended craft supplies
Toddlers are the perfect age to introduce your child to open-ended crafts, or activities where there is no limitation or fixed answer. With open-ended crafts, kids can use their imagination to build or create whatever they dream up. Supplies you might purchase include paint, sand, playdough, a water table, or drawing supplies. Simply set out a combination of them on a table with some paper and let them go at it — however they want. Having plenty of options on hand means there are hours of creative play ahead.
Put the toys on a rotation schedule
The next time you get new toys from a birthday party or holiday, or even while cleaning up toys from the floor, sock some of them away in a hiding spot. In a few months, you can pull the toys out for a nice surprise. Kids will forget about what they have, and using a toy rotation will give them a chance to get excited about a toy again. When they see a new toy at an unexpected time, you can buy yourself hours of play time while they get reacclimated with their prized possessions.
Set up an 'invitation to play' area
An "invitation to play" is exactly what it sounds like – you set out some open-ended supplies (e.g., a sensory bin with toys in it, craft supplies, blocks and a box, playdough with some cookie cutters, etc.) and then step back. In a perfect world, they simply notice this "invitation" on their own and start playing. However, sometimes your child may need a hint to get the concept that it's independent play time. Equipping your child with a setup that is just for them will allow them to freely get involved and expand their thinking.
Give them space to grow
As parents we tend to overparent at times. However, children need time and space to discover their own power and identity. Toddlers, especially, are capable of being active learners and thrive when they get a chance to exert their free will and independence. Solo play time is a safe way to give that development a chance to progress. Set times for independent play and slot them into your daily or weekly routine. This offers toddlers plenty of opportunities to look forward to this time. Trust us, it's good for you and them.
It's OK if you're still in the room
Some kids like — and need — to feel secure and that comes from knowing where their caregiver is at any moment in time. When starting independent play time, you can sit close to your child and do your own thing. This reinforces that you are always there for your child and supportive of them. During their solo play time you can read a book while they sift through a book, work in the kitchen while they play at the table, or sit on the floor as they play with a toy. Allowing your child to direct the time and direct what happens gives them autonomy over their free time, and slowly but surely they'll get used to playing without you.
Create a safe space
Parents can have a hard time leaving children in a room without adult supervision, for good reason. However, one of the benefits of encouraging independent play is so you can have a chance to go and do something you need to do while your child is playing alone, as you remain within hearing distance, of course. Make sure the space where you allow your child to play is completely safe to give you a moment to take your eyes away and not interrupt play time with caution and worry. This means checking around for any potential choking hazards, electrical outlets, or sharp objects.
Let boredom happen
Repeat after us: It is OK if my child is bored. One of the hardest parts of independent play might be overcoming the strong desire to step in the moment your child gets bored, tired of playing, or starts to struggle and whine. It seems to go against the purpose of independent play if our child is having a hard time with no attention. However, allowing your child to work through boredom reinforces the idea that they can entertain themselves. Resist the urge to pop in and offer a suggestion. Let your kids try to overcome for a minute before you get involved.
Balance independent time with your undivided attention and connection
While independent time is absolutely amazing, it doesn't work as well when you don't have regular connection with your child. You can balance that time by giving your child 30- to 40 minutes of your undivided attention to feed their need for you and connect one-on-one before introducing the independent time. Once their get their fill of your attention, they can go off to play alone with less of a need to be clingy to you.
Pick a long project
Let your child get wrapped up in a weeklong (or longer) project or theme for their play time. Some possible themes you can use are ice cream shops, animals in the rain forest, or school. In a particular space of your home, let your child know the theme and allow them to build out the scene using props or items from around the house. Each time they go to play, they can add more to the scene, service customers with new requests, or build an extension for exploring.
