I found out I was pregnant for the second time when my oldest son was one. We had just celebrated his birthday and I couldn’t figure out why I was so emotional when I put him to bed that night. Then, the next day when I tried on my favorite comfortable jeans, which were tight around the belly, I threw myself on my bed feeling more distraught than I ever had. It occurred to me I was due for my period. Or was I late?
I gathered my son, put on my favorite leggings, and went to get a pregnancy test at the grocery store. It was positive and everything started making sense. However, the next nine months were a blur. My toddler was learning to walk, he was all over the place, we built a new house, and I waddled around trying to get things as settled as I could.
There is one thing that stands out in my mind though: Instead of throwing me another baby shower, my mother and sisters did a bunch of other things for me and my little family that was infinitely more helpful — like getting me a gift certificate to have a manicure and pedicure and making sure we had plenty of meals coming our way for the first month after my daughter was born.
I’ve talked to a lot of moms who say they’d rather skip the baby shower for their second child. Instead of spending money and effort on a party that only lasts a few hours, consider these baby shower alternatives for second-time moms:
1. Offer to babysit the older child
Set up a time when you can come (and get other trusted family members and friends involved) and entertain the older child for a few hours or take them somewhere so your friend can bond with her new baby and get some rest. The hell of being up all night with a newborn while recovering from giving birth, then having a toddler jump on your face at 4:30 in the flipping morning is very real.
The older child needs attention, they need to be fed and bathed. All of this is three times harder when you have a newborn, fewer hands, and less patience.
I also strongly advise coming over expecting nothing – you aren’t there to be entertained, fed, or waited on. Your only mission is to entertain the older child for a few hours so the new mother can catch her breath.
2. Get her a gift certificate for something she can enjoy on her own
Maybe your friend loves to peruse a craft store, could use a massage or pedi, or has a thing for going to a café with a good book. Whatever it is, instead of getting her another thing for the new baby, get something she can go do on her own. It will be a great gift for her to know she has something to look forward to. When a mom gets a few hours to herself to do whatever she wants, she will come home feeling refreshed and taken care of — and ready to tackle the relentlessness that is the fourth trimester.
3. Develop a system for having food dropped off for the first month
Let’s be real: One family can eat only so many casseroles in the first week back home. Of course, all gestures are appreciated, but if you start a meal train and make sure they’re getting a meal or two a day for the first month, the family will be so grateful and a lot less stressed. No one wants to be slammed with food only to have to clean out their fridge because they couldn’t eat it in time.
4. Hire a cleaning or laundry service
Instead of spending money on decorations, food, and gifts, pooling money together with friends and family to hire a cleaning or laundry service to come for a few weeks will make a new mom shed tears of joy. Just knowing they have one less thing to worry about as they try to ease into a routine will be so helpful.
Yes, baby showers are a wonderful way to honor a mother and a new baby, but most seasoned mothers prefer help over a party when they are bringing a second (or third or fourth) baby into the world. Trust me when I say I still remember the day I went for my pedicure and manicure after my second child was born. I slept through the entire pedicure (it was the best nap I ever had), and my toes looked wonderful for the first — and last — time in years.
