Look, we’ve all got a vice. We’ve all got a little guilty pleasure that we know we should probably pump the brakes on.
Well ladies, put two hands on your Starbucks and brace yourselves because we’ve found someone who puts your Pumpkin Spice Latte obsession to absolute shame.
TikTok user @anniebogart recently began what she thought was a harmless little office experiment.
Her boss? A self-proclaimed Diet Coke lover (and that’s putting it mildly). Her plan? Collect every single empty can he left behind in the office over the course of a month.
Her results? A little disturbing, with all signs pointing to someone in need of a crispy, carbonated intervention.
At the end of the month, Annie unveiled her collection of cans like she was curating an art exhibit called Caffeine Dependency in the Workplace. And the pile? Massive.
The kind of pile you’d expect to see after a rager of a frat party, not the quiet desk of a professional adult man who wears button-down shirts and probably files expense reports.
But wait. It gets worse.
Annie then casually dropped the fact that her boss is only in the office two to three days a week. Come again? This means his shocking leftover can tower wasn’t the result of 30 or 31 days of steady sipping.
No, no. This was the work of a man who apparently consumes Diet Coke the way the rest of us consume oxygen in as little as eight to twelve days.
Excuse me while I scream into my reusable water bottle.
Now, I don’t want to judge. We’ve all been there, right? That afternoon slump where you think, “I could drink some water…or I could crack open a Diet Coke and hear the angels sing.”
But this? This was not one can to get through a meeting. This was not even two cans to power through a double shift. This was, dare we say, a lifestyle? Maybe even a religion.
And listen, I know coffee drinkers love to act smug about their daily caramel macchiato, but here’s the thing, a grande-latte-a-day doesn’t create an aluminum graveyard that can be seen from space. Soda cans do. Which makes the evidence impossible to ignore.
Health-wise, I don’t even know where to begin.
Sure, Diet Coke doesn’t have sugar, but it does have aspartame, which, in moderation, “is fine”. But in the amount Annie’s boss is consuming? It’s basically as if his blood type is DC-positive. I worry for his bones. I worry for his teeth. I worry for all of his insides, quite frankly.
Financially, let’s talk about the price tag. A 12-pack of Diet Coke runs around $7, give or take. Judging by Annie’s mountain of evidence, the man might as well set up a direct deposit to Coca-Cola HQ. Forget retirement savings; he’s funding an empire one fizzy pop at a time. We’re not trying to judge, but it’s giving sweet, sugary codependency.
Here’s my takeaway.
If you’ve ever wondered if you drink too much Diet Coke, maybe it’s time to try Annie’s experiment at home. Save your cans for a week. Stack them up. See if your collection feels more “cute recycling project” or “omg I need help STAT.”
Because while there’s nothing wrong with a bubbly treat now and then, when your coworkers start mistaking your desk for the local can redemption center, it might be time to switch to water.
Until then, I’ll be over here, staring at my own half-empty Diet Coke can with both love and suspicion.
