It's hard to keep up with all of the new and ever-changing terms we hear on TikTok these days. (Thanks, Gen Z.) But there's one you may have caught wind of lately that's sparked a ton of debate online: Tradwives.
According to Urban Dictionary, a "tradwife" is short for "traditional wife," and as you might have guessed, most of the women who subscribe to this lifestyle live by a traditional or conservative view of marriage.
Their unions are typically cis/hetero, their husbands are the sole breadwinners, and the wives themselves stay home to care for the kids while taking on a more subservient role.
In other words, they're like 1950s housewives living in 2023 — but this time around, it's a choice.
It's hard to say for sure when the "trend" first started
By the looks of TikTok, however, women didn't start openly discussing their "tradwife" lifestyles until the last few years. (Just give a quick scroll through #tradwife, and you'll be amazed by what's there.)
As a result, many tradwife influencers have since emerged, and they've received mixed feedback from women all over the world — some who despise the entire lifestyle and some who say it's how they've chosen to live as well.
Estee Williams is one of the influencers on TikTok
On her TikTok page, she often posts videos of her day-to-day life and gives viewers an inside look at why it makes her happy.
@esteecwilliams Day in the life as a traditional wife #fyp #tradwife #traditionalwife #ditl #traditionalgenderroles #homemaker #housewife #femininenotfeminist #housewivesofamerica #traditionalmarriage #nuclearfamily ♬ Summer day – TimTaj
She starts by getting ready, which involves getting dressed in an outfit that most of us might consider to be a "going out" look and putting on a full face of makeup.
When she's all done, Williams looks something like a 1950s pin-up girl but more conservative.
From there, Williams continues with her day
She unloads the dishwasher, gets coffee, and goes grocery shopping. When she returns home, she starts doing laundry (while wearing an apron) and prepares an early dinner before her husband heads out for a night shift.
The day ends with Williams finishing up her "house chores" and taking a long, candlelit bubble bath.
If you're wondering what's missing from this image, it's not just a job — it's also the kids. Based on this philosophy, tradwives stay home regardless if they have kids, and cater to their husbands while being solely responsible for all domestic duties.
There are other well-known tradwives who are sharing their stories, too
And not all of them adopt such a 1950s-style approach to it.
Cynthia Loewen has been sharing her life as a homemaker since the start of the pandemic. And though she started her page before she had any kids, she now has two and spends her days as a stay-at-home mom.
@_cynthialoewen Housewife day in the life #homemaker #housewife #pregnantlife ♬ Sunny Day – Ted Fresco
That said, she's come under fire for describing herself as an "old-fashioned" woman who's "feminine" but not a feminist.
@_cynthialoewen Where my feminine homemakers at? #fyp #femininity #homemaker #housewifeswag #millenial #old ♬ original sound – Kevin Hart
In fact, a lot of tradwives seem to have struck a nerve with people
Many think these women are selling themselves short should they ever divorce and need to support themselves. For another, some working moms have noted that promoting this kind of lifestyle is only possible when a family can survive on one income, which is rare these days.
"Fine, I'm happy for you [if] you are happy," one commenter told Williams on a post. "But the day you have to stand on your own feet and you are older, the doll attitude wont get you far then."
Others called her "submissive" and unaware that she's being oppressed.
"Does she know that she can live for herself and not entirely for her husband?" one person commented.
"I’m so happy I’m divorced. Thank GOD," another person said. "Getting some serious PTSD triggers from these videos."
The conversation has continued on other social media platforms, too
On Twitter, a lot of people have sounded off about the tradwife trend by saying that it comes off as highly problematic.
do the tradwives know everyone else cooks and clean they aren’t special just because it takes them all day
— dietcokeofficial (@janelyshutup) March 1, 2023
I think one of the biggest issues I have with the recent trend of tradwives (and the christopatriarchy it spawned from) is that the avatar they are trying to emulate didn't even really exist and even the image of it was created in a short span for a short blip of time. +
— Maestro Fluger (he/him) + (@nfluger) March 1, 2023
We must shatter the tradwife fantasy. https://t.co/dTsfyBXERo
— Mashable (@mashable) March 1, 2023
"Tradwives are oppressed women without realising it," one person recently tweeted. "They married out of not being able to withstand social or family pressure, and often do not really love the man."
"Normalizing tradwives aesthetic makes me wanna scream," tweeted someone else. "Generations of women have dealt with aggressions and regressions, giving up on their aspirations just to serve hot meals to self entitled thank less people. Trust me it’s not something to romanticize and market."
At the same time, the tradwife movement has plenty of supporters
On their TikTok accounts, Williams and Loewen both get a lot of positive comments from other women who either live like them or wish that they could.
"This is my dream," one person told Williams in a post. "To take care of my family, my home."
"Being a traditional wife is 110% valid!" another person wrote on the same post. "It’s so cute and fun and definitely the choice for some people, the only issue is when it’s not a choice."
@_cynthialoewen Join us✨#housewife #homemaker #traditional #trad ♬ sweet caroline but dark academia – mike hunt
"Yes yes yes, a million times yes," one person told Loewen, in reply to a TikTok about how critical peole are of someone who wants to be a housewife.
"Me all my life: 'I want to have the best job ever I can’t wait,'" another person wrote. "Me now: 'I wanna be a housewife that’s allllll I want.'"
@_cynthialoewen #housewife #homemaker #femininity #sahm ♬ Devil Eyes – Hippie Sabotage
But the argument many critics are making is that being a housewife (or tradwife) is work. And once kids come along, taking care of them while tending to the house and waiting on your husband hand-and-foot is unsustainable. It can also lead to a power imbalance within the marriage that might just be the breaking point.
Perhaps the most important voices, however, are the ex-tradwives
@esteecwilliams Being a traditional wife is my greatest blessing #NextLevelDish #fyp #viral #tradwife #traditionalwife #traditionalgenderroles #housewife #homemaker #wiveswhostayhome #megawife #makewivesgreatagain #obediantwife #femininenotfeminist #traditional #sandwhichmaker #traditionalmarriage #housewivesofamerica ♬ Viva La Vida – Coldplay
Amid all the hate and the praise, many of these comment threads include valuable insight from women who have been there, done that — and now see why it's all just an unsustainable "fantasy."
"I tried. This was my dream," one woman commented on a TikTok of Williams. "Now I'm just under appreciated, over worked, [and] quite literally a servant … Now its demanded I work too."
"Feel this in my soul," another person said in a reply. "I try to give my all to a man who can't just give his love and respect to me."
