People can say some pretty eyebrow-raising stuff to new moms, but it usually comes in the form of well-intentioned parenting advice. However, one mom on Reddit says it wasn't a person's "helpful" piece of advice that recently set her off, but rather a question that never should have been asked.
"Today someone asked me what I was doing with all my free time during maternity leave," the anonymous woman shared in her post. "That is all. Goodbye."
Needless to say, the moms of Reddit have now descended upon the post and they are pretty fired up about it.
The new mom didn't elaborate further on her story
She didn't explain who the person was, or what she said in response, or even give any other context as to why the question was asked. But honestly she didn't need to; as hundreds of angry Redditors soon proved, the question itself was ridiculous.
"I would have been furious," one commenter wrote. "The audacity."
"Next time this happens, say you're drinking mimosas and getting foot rubs from the ghost of the last person who asked you that," another added.
Others just wrote in their own imaginary comebacks.
"I’m breastfeeding while taking a sh-t Karen, thanks for asking," one person quipped.
In the comments, moms immediately let loose on similar things they were told
"My male coworker once referred to my maternity leave as my four month vacation," one Redditor said. "He followed it up with 'it's a joke,' but I felt like a little part of him believed it was vacation."
"Last I checked bleeding nipples and a hemorrhoid wasn't a vacation," she added.
"Pretty much all my male co-workers did this to me," another mom shared. "And some of the female ones. I took 6 months off and they were like … aren’t you going to be so bored??"
"My FIL once greeted me while I was on maternity leave by asking, 'How's the lady of leisure?'" someone else said.
Others got real about what maternity leave was actually like for them
"What I remember about my maternity leave is sometime in week 2 getting through a cycle of wake up to baby crying/change diaper/breastfeed/put baby to sleep/pump/clean pumping parts/finally eat/wash dishes/fall asleep/wake up to baby crying … and I just started crying too, because I realized I was going to do that loop all day and night, and then again the next day, and the day after that … for what felt like infinity," one mom shared. "Also mix in there some heavy bleeding, stinging urination, chapped nipples, leaky boobs, and scrubbing yellow baby crap out of onesies … Fun. So fun."
"I have never work so goddamn hard in my entire life," another user, who is currently on maternity leave now, said. "I actually want to go back to paid work to have a break from being a mom!!"
"I can tell you what I'm not doing," said another mom, who is still in the thick of the newborn months. "Sleeping, showering, leaving my house … I've got plenty I want to do, but nursing on demand is pretty much top priority."
Another mom said she considered it her new "24/7 unpaid job," and described it thusly:
"[It's a job] where you have to work during sleep deprivation, care for the new baby and your toddler, while sick, bleeding, in pain, gentle parent one while trying to get the tongue-tied baby to eat," she wrote. "Plan all check ups, calendars, maintain friendships, remember all the birthdays, purchase all the gifts for all occasions, schedule any childcare needs for 'date nights.' Be a chef, creating endless meals that may or may not be consumed, while trying to get enough calories into yourself to keep new baby fed, the baby that doesn't latch. Hourly alarms for tongue exercises through the night to make sure the surgery to fix latching issues keep the tissue separated while your partner and toddler snooze. Grocery shopping is now your 'me' time, don't forget the toilet paper, milk, beer. Did you eat today? Snack bar in your purse because you are always hungry, especially while nursing. When is the last time you enjoyed a hot meal without interruption? Did you remember to pump? Are the parts clean? When did you last get to shower?"
The underlying issue here is the ongoing myth that somehow, motherhood isn't work
It's the same mindset as when people assume that stay-at-home moms have it easy, as though the business of raising children is a total breeze.
In reality, maternity leave — if you're even lucky to get one in the United States — can be a sleepless blur of nonstop anxiety. It can be emotionally draining, socially isolating, and physically painful.
As one Redditor put it, "Asking someone what they're doing with all their free time on maternity leave is like asking a man drowning in the ocean what he's doing with all that spare drinking water … "
For some of us, the "Fourth Trimester" can take a dark turn
Studies show that roughly one in seven women suffer from postpartum depression after giving birth, and 10% develop postpartum anxiety. Both of these diagnoses can severely impact a new mother's ability to function, including caring for her child as well as herself. They can also affect her relationships with others, including friends, family members, and other mom friends.
But even if a new mom's mental health isn't suffering, she's still busy. She's still waking up in the middle of the night for round-the-clock feedings, trying to recover from her delivery, and struggling to balance day-to-day life with a new baby and possibly other kids at home.
Sometimes, she may not have a reliable partner to depend on for extra help, or a "mom village" to ask questions of. But whatever her story is, one thing's for sure: She's NOT on vacation.
A lot of Redditors assumed the question came from someone who didn't have kids
"Obviously a person without kids who clearly has NO IDEA!" one person wrote.
"The ignorance, man," another said. "The blissful, blissful ignorance. Bless their clueless heart."
"I wish someone would give this person a newborn for a week!" someone else wrote. "By themselves. You just don’t know what you don’t know."
While it's unclear whether the person actually does have kids, the Original Poster (OP) did respond to a commenter with one small clue: It was a dude who said it.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
