Stressed-Out Mom Called ‘Selfish’ for Wanting a Weeklong Solo Vacation on Her Birthday

Since then, thousands of people have read and reacted to her story — many of whom can't believe her husband's behavior.

"Me (32F) and my partner (37M) are in a disagreement," the poster began. "He thinks I'm selfish for considering this. I don't think I am. He suggested I post here to see what you all say."

According to the mom, she and her husband have been together for 12 years now and have three children: ages 7, 4, and 2. Life, as you might expect, is hectic.

While her husband works full-time in IT, from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., the poster describes herself as a mostly stay-at-home mom who also works part-time from home each day.

"I am fully responsible for [my kids'] care, as well as every household duty, [including] laundry, cooking, cleaning," the mom shared, before explaining that after she looks after the children all day, she always puts in a couple of hours on her laptop, since she's self-employed.

Her husband, on the other hand, has very few responsibilities around the home. In fact, his daily obligations mostly consist of walking the dogs and going to work.

Though he gets home shortly after 6 p.m., he often falls asleep by 8, which means things like dinner, cleanup, and even bedtime routines are left to her.

So, as her birthday started to draw near, she started thinking about what she really want to mark the milestone.

That's when she presented her vacation idea.

In exchange, it would require her husband to use some PTO so he could take time off to look after the kids. As a result, taking care of the house and handling school drop-off and pickup would fall to him.

Sadly, the answer she got in reply was not exactly supportive.

"He told me I was selfish," the wife relayed.

"It's selfish to want to go on holiday for a week for my birthday?" she asked her husband.

In short, he told her yes.

When she started thinking about all that she's done over the past 12 years without much help, asking for a break hardly seemed like a tall order.

"My partner hasn't done a load of laundry in the [last] 10 years," she vented in her post. "He cooks dinner 'occasionally' (2 x a month). He doesn't [vacuum], mop, or mow lawns."

"I get it, he's tired and he works full-time," she went on, "but I work too, and I don't feel appreciated."

From her perspective, she isn't asking for too much.

"I just want a week where I don't have to placate a crying child, or stop the toddler from running into traffic, or worry about everyone else's good time while sacrificing my own," the mom explained. "The last time I spent time away from the children/house was when we went out for dinner for his birthday in March."

But even then, she clarifies, it was only after she'd put the kids to bed and she had arranged for a babysitter to come over.

"Oh, and my pap smear," she added, "which he tried to make me take the children too even though he was home."

"The holiday would be paid for entirely by me," she explained, noting that her husband gets 28 days of PTO, not including federal holidays, so it's not like these days are hard to come by.

"Last year, he lost 12 PTO days because he didn't take them," she added.

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And, for the most part, the majority of users have taken her side.

"You’re not a SAHM," one person corrected her. "You have a part-time job. Your division of home labor is insanely unbalanced, and all of it falls to you."

"Of course your husband refuses to let you take a holiday, he’d have to actually lift a finger to parent his own children if you did," they added.

"There is nothing wrong about wanting time alone and being responsible for only yourself," someone else chimed in. "In fact, it could be beneficial for everyone. When people burn out, it affects everyone around them."

In most cases, they suggested going away for a shorter period of time.

"If your partner is adamant about a whole week, perhaps they'll be amenable to a three-day weekend," one person suggested in the comments.

But others were still fuming over what they saw as selfish behavior on the part of the husband, and had some strong words of advice to share.

"I would be looking at a divorce while you're there tbh," wrote one commenter, who said it would mean "one less person to run around after" in her daily life.

"If you do go though, expect to have a week's worth of housework waiting for you when you get back, because he won’t magically start not being completely selfish," they added.

"I do believe there might be an underlying issue," said someone else, "since the way you talk about him not helping sounds like it bothers you more than you might let on. Maybe it's time to have a good long talk about how you guys manage your household and make some changes."

Another person said the poster's circumstances sounded very familiar to their own.

"My life was the same before my ex and I split," they admitted. "I miss my kids when they're with their dad (I work), but I actually have time to myself now."

"You totally deserve this trip," they added. "But your husband will sabotage it somehow if you do."

While she didn't say she was leaning toward a divorce, she did feel that a compromise of a long weekend might be the way to go.

In addition, she answered several users' questions about why she wouldn't want to book alternative childcare and go away with her husband.

"Honestly, I probably would go on vacation with him for a week if we could find someone to look after the three children for that time," she wrote, "but it's a snowball. If I want to go on vacation with all of us, I would have to pay for it, and if I invited him, then suddenly I would also have to take the children, which is what I wanted a break from in the first place."

In addition, she explained that her oldest child is neurodivergent (ADHD) and "can be a handful," which is hard for outside caregivers to deal with.

The bottom line here is that this mama needs a break, and her husband's unwillingness to see that or even empathize with her is only driving a wedge between them.