With my first baby, I soaked up all the cuddles and affection that she wanted to give me. Most of the time, I was happy to hold her. I was breastfeeding and exhausted, but she was adorable. I had a difficult delivery, so I wasn’t up for moving around anyway. Then, as time progressed, there were those moments where I needed a minute to myself. These times really hit with the first baby when she became a toddler.
Then, I had another baby
Getting time to yourself as a new mom is difficult, but when you have two, it’s nearly impossible. They are always touching you. Being touched out is very real, and it’s something that can be overwhelming if you don’t make sure to have some time to yourself.
Now that my second baby is a toddler, I find myself getting touched out more often than when he was a baby. A baby is just different. They sleep more and are less demanding in a way. The toddler is a supercute but frustrating animal who will get up in your face. They will rage if you don’t pick them up at the exact moment they want it. They will paw at you and scream until you want to scream yourself. It’s times like that when I shut myself in a room or step outside for a minute to take a few deep breaths before going back inside, drying his tears, and then picking him up like he wanted the entire time.
Sometimes at the end of the day, I just want a few minutes without someone touching me
My skin is crawling, and I need my body just to be my own before I go insane. Sometimes I don’t even want to be near my husband because I need a break from it all.
It’s awful, but on those days, I’m just so overwhelmed. It can be hard on a relationship if you’re constantly separating yourself, but some days it’s necessary. People may brush it off or act like it’s not a real thing, but it definitely is.
The frustration you feel is real
The aversion to being touched is real, but there are things that you can do and keep in mind to help. For me, it’s removing myself from the situation, even if just for a few minutes. Closing a door or stepping outside to take a breath can give you the space you need to get through the rest of the day.
Talking to someone about how you are feeling can also be helpful. I make sure to tell my husband what is going on with me, so he doesn’t feel rejected and understands what I need that particular day. As strange as it sounds, a hug from him actually helps too. You would think that a hug would be the last thing you want when you don’t want to be touched, but it does help. Talking to other moms is valuable too. They get it and you feel validated in your feelings.
Feeling touched out doesn’t mean you love your kids any less or that you don’t love your partner
It just means that you’re overwhelmed and need a break. You need time to yourself sometimes, and the feeling of your skin crawling is trying to tell you that. Trust me, taking a few minutes to yourself can make a world of difference — and that’s something no mom should ever feel guilty about.
