When I found out I was pregnant with my second baby, I had an astounding amount of fears that I didn’t think I would have. How will I love this baby as much as I love my daughter? How will I take care of my daughter while I have Hyperemesis Gravidarum again? I had so many more worries, but one of my greatest fears was how will I manage the transition from one kid to two?
I was intimidated by the thought of bringing home another baby
So I immediately started asking moms of more than one kid what I should expect from the transition. To my surprise, most of the moms that I asked said that the change was pretty easy. That the first few weeks were difficult, but once they settled into a new routine things got much easier.
But even after hearing all of the positive stories, I was still a little skeptical since my husband and I don’t have family nearby and we had never really gotten any help with our daughter. But I tried quieting my fears and telling myself that it really couldn’t be that hard. Moms do this all the time!
Then, my baby boy was born
His entrance into this world was a crazy experience and our hospital stay wasn’t as planned, but the first day with him was so special. I felt such a strong love for him — the same as I did with my daughter — so the fear of not loving him enough vanished, but I still worried about the transition.
When we arrived home, my daughter proudly took on the role of big sister: all she wanted to do was hug, kiss and talk about her baby brother. She was so helpful and brought things to me when I was too lazy to get up. She was also very understanding when I had to spend hours breastfeeding or holding him. She did have a bit of a sleep and potty regression, but at the time we were going through a lot of changes so it was understandable – and nothing rewards and a timer couldn’t fix.
So if things were all up to my daughter, going from one kid to two probably would have been easier… but my son was a very challenging baby.
The first few weeks after bringing him home were normal — we were in the difficult stage of no sleep and figuring everything out, but it was manageable and to be expected.
But slowly things started to pile on and it got harder
My husband had to go back to work after less than two weeks home with us so I couldn’t get help during the day or take naps when the baby napped. When I was able to synchronize the kid’s naps, it was like the second I would begin to rest, one of them would wake up.
My son also had issues with breastfeeding – just like my daughter. His latch was terrible due to a lip tie, tongue tie and a high palate. My oversupply definitely didn’t help the situation as the milk came out too quickly for him. So now, on top of being exhausted, I was also dealing with cracked, bruised, blanched and bleeding nipples.
And finally, to top it off, my son got colic.
I had heard colic horror stories, but I had no idea how bad it really could be until we had to go through it. The barely any sleep turned into absolutely no sleep. We were up with him multiple times a night from his fussiness, but without fail every night from three in the morning until six in the morning he was crying and screaming.
I would cry to my husband, just telling him that we were reliving the worst day ever. I felt like I was in the horror version of the Groundhog Day movie.
I’m not sharing our story to scare anyone away from having another baby. I’m sharing this because I want to let you know that bringing home your second baby may be difficult — but that is completely normal.
And if I had to give advice I would say…
1. Ask for help when and if you can.
Sometimes we don’t always have the luxury of having friends and family to help, but if you can get help you need to take advantage. And if you have the opportunity to get help, don’t shame moms who don’t have the option or maybe choose to not accept the help. Every mom is different and everyone needs to do what is best for them and their family.
2. Do what works for you – even if it doesn’t make sense to other people.
My husband and I would talk all the time about being in survival mode during the first few months of my sons life — we just had to focus on what we could do and just did whatever worked. We didn’t eat the healthiest, didn’t get out enough and spent most of our days in our pajamas – but that’s what worked for us.
3. Vent if (and when) necessary.
Sometimes, all you need is a good vent session. Make sure you aren’t bottling your emotions because you don’t want to let them overflow and cause a bigger issue!
4. Remember that this is just a season and it will pass.
I am sure you have heard this a million times, but it’s a cliché because it’s true. Soak in the moments that are good even if they are few and far between. Enjoy the snuggles and that newborn baby smell because it won’t last forever.
You will probably have moments where you have no idea what you’re doing. Where you feel like juggling it all is impossible. But I promise, you will get through it and it is so worth it for your babies.
