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COVID-19 has changed the way our kids are taught. Virtual learning and homeschool for kids is the directive for most families, as states continue to try to get a grip over the pandemic problems. Teaching your kids can be tough, but what happens when you have to additionally deal with an ex who doesn’t agree with your views on how to homeschool your child?
It doesn’t really matter if the issue is homeschool curriculum or remote learning supported by parents — not agreeing with your ex leaves kids in flux on what is done when in mom’s care versus dad’s. The inconsistency can be detrimental to their learning success.
Identifying the problems that can lead to disagreements
“Rules and routines are often one of the hardest things for separated parents to agree on," education expert Omari Eccleston-Brown from Believe in Learning told Mom.com. "Full-time parents have often spent a lot of time and effort establishing boundaries around study schedules as well as things like bedtimes and chores.” Disrupting the schedule or having two different schedules due to two custodial homes can be hard for kids to find success.
When time is split equally between two parents, school has often been left to the teachers during school hours. But COVID-19 has forced many parents to be part of the remote learning process. As such, you might feel that it is part of your job to be present when your child is in class and work through assignments with them — especially if they are younger. Your ex might feel that is the teacher’s role, even remotely, and step back from participating.
Understanding where the co-parenting disagreements are is the first step to addressing them and resolving them.
Finding a balance: How to homeschool your child together
This starts with understanding what the education goals are. If your child is remote learning, these goals are prepared by his teacher. This is where parents should start. Talk to the teacher about the best way to approach home learning. In the end, parents should agree to respect and adhere to what the teacher is requesting.
But in a traditional homeschool curriculum, parents should first determine if the custody schedule needs to be modified to accommodate homeschooling. It could very well be that only one parent has the time to devote to homeschooling a child but the other parent doesn’t want to change the custody schedule. This creates conflict.
The key is to sit down and review the requirements together and establish a game plan of action to help your child succeed. Most parents want to do the right thing for their kids — and when made a part of the planning process, they will do what is necessary to help their child reach their goals. You may even involve your child in the game plan to get their buy in on getting work done.
Resolving homeschool parenting conflicts
Communication is the cornerstone of resolving conflict. “Parents who disagree about how to educate their child should start by trying to keep lines of communication open," homeschooling mom of two Sarah Miller told Mom.com. "Sharing information about their child's progress is an important part of respecting the other parent's parental rights.”
This could be done verbally but may be better accomplished with a journal that reviews daily and weekly progress that both parents see. The journal becomes an easy place to identify homeschooling problems that arise. If both parents are completing the journal and the child is meeting milestones, then there should be no argument even if one parent gets to the success in a different way than the other. But if the child is not meeting milestones, parents must troubleshoot why.
If the journal helps show that there is a lack of consistency in doing assignments by one parent, this becomes a conversation about what can be done to change things. Maybe that parent doesn’t have the time to do the work and a modification in the schedule is in order.
When to seek outside help
If parents can’t agree on the solution, they may need the help of a mediator or judge. Remember that these legal parties will work towards what is best for your child, not you or your ex. If that means changing custody orders, they will. It’s always best for parents to try to work things out without court intervention.
