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Tamron Little had a difficult decision to make when child-care facilities began closing during the pandemic. The mom of four from North Carolina not only works three separate jobs but she also attends graduate school full-time. Her husband? He has a full-time job, too, outside the home. With no family close by and the cost of booking a sitter prohibitively expensive, the pair had to decide — does one parent quit their job to care for their four kids, who attend three separate schools, or leave them at home with the oldest in charge while they went to work? Little agonized until her husband said they had to do what they had to do — and so they did.
As we end 2020 still in the midst of closed schools and child-care facilities, working parents and caregivers are almost a year into the scrabble of needing to provide for their families, keep their children (and themselves) healthy and safe from COVID-19, figure out distance learning, and make sure their kids don’t fall behind. While virtual learning has been difficult, it’s been especially hard for parents of kids with special needs, single parents, low-income families, and parents who cannot work from home.
All working parents with school-aged kids (ages 5 to 17) — or parents wishing to return to work after being unemployed as a consequence of COVID-19 — have to deal with child care during the pandemic. It’s particularly difficult for families who either cannot find or afford child care for various reasons. Little’s family ended up choosing to have their kids stay at home by themselves for distance learning, and so far it’s working out. But it was something they had to learn how to do on the fly.
Read on to learn why it’s so hard to find child care in the midst of the pandemic, how other parents are coping, and for some options you can explore if your kids are at home alone while e-learning by themselves.
Lack of child-care options for working parents — especially for low-income and Hispanic families
Due to the recent surge in COVID-19 infections, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends people only gather with members of their own households, which further affects the already limited child-care options available to working families — especially those of middle-income, lower-income, and rural families. According to this Urban Institute survey of more than 9,000 adults in March and April 2020, 41.5% of employed parents could work from home as compared with about 25% of low-income and Hispanic parents.
A full-time sitter 40 hours a week was out of the question. We were barely making ends meet, and our savings were looking rocky.
Approximately a third of these families reported that someone in the family could not work so that they could care for their kids because of the pandemic, and 16.5% had difficulty arranging child care. While some parents can shift their work hours so they can watch their kids during the school day and then work at other times, many jobs are not quite so flexible or understanding.
Though some families have more options because they have family living nearby, financial flexibility, or they’ve found a way to cobble something together, for others, the only options are to quit, take paid or unpaid leave, or leave their children home alone. Of all families, low-income and Hispanic families were most likely to say they had difficulty organizing child care, due in great part to the compounding issues of child-care deserts and the pandemic.
Even with various paid family leave acts and COVID-relief acts, there are still many working parents who are not covered and do not qualify for the benefits — and none of the acts cover the term of an entire school year.
Basically, there is no safety net.
Why are child-care options so limited?
In addition to providing education, schools also provide about 30 hours of safe and supervised child care a week. Even before the pandemic, working parents had to rely on a patchwork of before- and after-school programs to make up at least another 13.5 hours of additional child care.
With schools switching to distance learning only or hybrid models of in-person and at-home teaching, compounded by decreased finances and limited child-care options like day cares, babysitters, nannies, or after-school programs, some families have been forced to make difficult — and sometimes, heartbreaking — decisions about their children’s education and care.
For Andrew C. and his wife who own and run pest-control business Daily Pest, neither of them could stay home with their 11-year-old twin daughters when their school district only offered remote learning.
“A full-time sitter 40 hours a week was out of the question. We were barely making ends meet, and our savings were looking rocky,” C. told Mom.com. “So we were left with the choice of pulling our daughters out for the remainder of the year or coming up with a plan.”
Before- and after-school programs have been hit hard by the pandemic and ensuing shutdowns. A survey of 914 after-school providers commissioned by the Afterschool Alliance revealed that nearly nine in 10 programs are concerned about long-term funding because of COVID-19-related school closures, and 60% of them are worried they may have to close permanently.
“When the kids went back to school and COVID happened, no day care centers were open for larger kids. No after-school programs were open,” Little told Mom.com.
Keeping kids safe at home alone while distance learning: tips for working parents
While there are many resources that working parents can access and try such as ones through the school district, employers, other families, or state unemployment services, sometimes there really is no other choice than to leave your kids at home to navigate the complexities of online learning by themselves while you work.
What are we going to do?” Little remembered asking herself. “I was literally wracking my brain, praying, trying to figure out what I’m going to do because my [extended] family does not live here.
Little considered quitting her new job — like many women — because the cost of child care for all of her kids would have been too high. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, approximately 32% of women (25- to 45-years-old) versus 12% of same-aged men opted out of working over concerns about child care.
“What are we going to do?” Little remembered asking herself. “I was literally wracking my brain, praying, trying to figure out what I’m going to do because my [extended] family does not live here.” Little said she thought, “Am I going to have to quit my job? I had just started in April and left one hospital and went to another hospital. I didn’t want to have to quit.”
Whatever the reasons your children have to e-learn at home without a caregiver, there are ways you can ease both your kids and yourself into the new and possible anxiety-inducing arrangement.
Know the law
Currently, only three states have minimum age requirements (Illinois, 14 years old; Oregon, 10 years old; and Maryland, 8 years old), with most states providing nonbinding guidelines to help parents determine if their children are ready to stay home alone. Each area has varying laws and policies regarding what is considered neglect and child endangerment when leaving a young child unsupervised.
For parents who are concerned about being reported for neglect or child abuse, refer to the Child Welfare Information Gateway’s Definitions of Child Abuse and Neglect. You can also find local and county laws and guidelines in your state and local Child Protective Services agency locations for more information.
Prepare your children for staying at home by themselves
After you determine whether your child can be home alone, make sure your children have and understand what they need in order to be safe, healthy, and successful. “Definitely communicate with your kids,” Little advised. “Don’t lead them blindly. You have to prepare them. Let them know your schedule.”
Some things to consider and provide for your children:
- House rules and guidelines (e.g., screen time, socializing with friends, opening doors to strangers, use of stove or oven, etc.)
- List of responsibilities, expectations about schoolwork and/or household chores
- Emergency numbers and contacts
- Means to contact you or a designated adult throughout the day
- Your schedule(s) and where you will generally be
- Access to a first-aid kit and how to use it
- Provide food, snacks, drinks (or the means for your child to independently prepare food safely)
- WiFi and the appropriate tools, instructions, and equipment to access online learning
- Inform teachers, neighbors, family members of your child’s situation
Have a practice run
Weddings, plays, concerts, movies, and shows all have rehearsals — your kids staying home alone is no different. Consider staying home one day or commit a day off (if possible) and let your child do everything as if you weren’t there, stepping in only to teach them how to navigate or work through their day. You can also leave them alone for an hour or two and have them deal with lunch, accessing school platforms (if available) and running through emergency protocols while you are out.
Set up an emergency plan and contact list
Make sure your children know who — other than you — to contact in case of an emergency. Have your kids memorize the numbers for emergency services, poison control, and emergency contacts, and place them in an easy-to-see area — preferably by the phone.
“We let both of our neighbors (both elderly couples) know of our situation, and they had agreed to keep an eye on the situation and let us know if there were any problems,” said C. “They were very helpful in keeping tabs for us.”
Communicate with your children throughout the day
Whether you set up cameras throughout your house (or designated learning areas), at your front door, use webcams, and/or have dedicated cell phones or apps, make sure the lines of communication are open. Some parents drop by during lunch or arrange a friend or family member to swing by at some point during the day to check in, too. This is both for their safety and accountability.
Prepare a designated school learning area
To make your lives easier, prepare a designated area where all their school supplies, schedules, and resources are easily accessible and visible. Have the WiFi password, instructions on how to fix the router or reboot a program, and locations of vital school folders and books readily available.
Take care of your and your child’s emotional and mental health
For children alone at home without adult supervision, it can be extremely challenging for them to self-regulate, pay attention on a virtual platform, and keep themselves on task. Kids may be tempted to watch YouTube or TV, play video games, chat with their friends, and goof off, and their school performance may decrease, thus leading to increased conflicts with parents.
Because kids may feel disengaged and virtual learning might not stimulate typical development, child depression and anxiety may increase. “Children may feel inadequate as they are expected to manage a workload on their own which isn’t intended to be managed independently,” psychotherapist Keri Turner, Psy.D told Mom.com. “It’s critical that parents in this situation talk with their children about these challenges, help them understand what are reasonable expectations, and work together to create structure and boundaries that will make the child feel successful each day.”
Check in with kids daily/weekly
Make sure you set aside time with your kids on at least a weekly basis to see how they are doing emotionally, physically, and academically. Yi-Hsian Godfrey, CEO of child-care service company Apiari, told Mom.com, “Ask non-yes or no questions like: What went well this week? What didn’t go so well? What assignments are due next week?”
Ask for help
Even though it may feel as if you’re alone, you aren’t. There are services like Parents Anonymous that provide emotional support for youth and parents via their trained help line advocates. Reach out online or in person to friends, family, doctors, and the school district.
“There is no shame in doing what may seem ‘irresponsible at the time.’ If your choices are extremely limited and you put in place proper precautions and safety measures,” said C., “you are not irresponsible. You are sharing the responsibility with your children, and this is beneficial to their mental growth and maturing process.”
