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Custody orders are often difficult enough as it is without throwing a pandemic into the mix. Divorce is wrought with emotions, concerns, and, all too often, manipulative actions. Shared custody during lockdown poses unique challenges, especially if parents have different views on what is safe for their child.
Unsure about how to manage your child custody agreement during the lockdown? Here are some things to think about that might help.
Quarantine's impact on the parenting plan
The lockdown was put in place to keep everyone safe and we are told to limit the amount of exposure we have with outside people. Even close family members who live in separate residences are advised to not comingle to reduce the risk of spreading COVID-19.
This can leave co-parents on differing sides of the argument: Do parental exchanges increase the risk of a child getting exposed to COVID-19?
According to family law attorney Stephanie Tang, the answer is really moot since many courts have addressed the topic stating that the pandemic alone is not a reason to alter the custody schedule. “Possession and access [of a child] shall not be affected by the school's closure that arises from an epidemic or pandemic, including what is commonly referred to as the COVID-19 pandemic,” Tang told Mom.com.
The goal is to keep everyone safe and healthy without any unnecessary disruption to children who are already stressed due to school closures and the inability to see friends. Consistency is key.
Child custody questions
The ruling of the court makes sense yet there are questions that arise that are valid and concerning. Some parents are at home, out of work at the moment, while others are essential employees and potentially getting exposed to COVID-19. There is the issue of being able to manage school work and at-home learning.
Here’s the thing: If the other one parent’s work schedule puts them at known risk for exposure to COVID-19, this may be a time to make an agreed adjustment. Commonly cited examples include a nurse who works on the front lines – this might be a situation where it is wise to refrain from contact. Of course, custodial parents shouldn’t be taking children out to gatherings and putting them in situations where they'll have unneeded exposure.
However, concerns over schoolwork might not be a scenario to alter the schedule – no matter if it makes sense or not. We spoke with Los Angeles mom Blanca Villareal, who is a teacher and mother concerned about her daughter’s schoolwork. Villareal has the time and background to make sure her daughter stays on top of her schoolwork while her ex is working from home without the same resources of time or experience.
“Our third grader needs to be taught and not just sent to her room to work independently," Villareal told Mom.com. "I do understand that her father is still working from home to keep his business afloat, but feel he would get a better response from our daughter if he would block out time from work to work exclusively with her. Or just allow me to pick her up for a few hours to get her work done."
"It’s been a struggle, but I have to remember I do not have any control over how things are done at his home,” she said.
Shared custody conflict resolution
It’s important when conflict arises that the courts may refer to things as "co-parenting," but you are often working in a "parallel parenting" plan when disagreements arise. Ultimately you can’t control what happens at your ex’s home unless it puts your child in danger.
Many courts are currently closed or only have emergency caseloads. If you have a problem with the custody schedule — maybe your ex doesn’t bring your child to the exchange and is in contempt or is taking the kids to the park to play with friends unprotected — you will need to file a motion of contempt or an order to show cause.
Tang reminds us of what courts do to resolve issues of custody withholding, “If your spouse continues to withhold the children, you may need to seek court intervention for the visitation abuse. In Illinois, penalties for visitation abuse may include ordering the non-complying parent to provide makeup time, imposing civil fines, or requiring cash bonds to ensure future compliance.”
Just remember that if you have to go to court, make sure you have the evidence to back up your claims. The courts are working with limited resources during the lockdown as well and won’t have the patience for what might seem like petulant squabbles. When possible, appeal to your ex’s love for your child and hope that everyone can work with the child’s best interest at heart.
