20 Ways to Ease Holiday Anxiety for Others

The holidays aren't easy for people with anxiety. There are pressures and activities that can leave a person in a constant state of red alert—sometimes making them feel depressed or triggered. While it's not on you to fix the anxiety of a family member or a person on your guest list, there are ways to offer help and support.

Start by letting them know they can have space when they need it—a room where they can get away from people, and no judgment if they need to check out for a while.

For people with travel anxiety, getting on a plane can be a deal-breaker. If possible, travel to loved ones who have anxiety, rather than have them to fly to you. This might mean rescheduling some of the big days, but what's important is seeing each other and showing them you care.

A packed schedule, lots of people, frenzied meal-making and joyful music everywhere can be a nightmare for a person with anxiety. If you can, keep things low-key. Invite only a few close friends or relatives, order out or simplify menus, and keep background music off or very low.

Gift-buying is a lot of pressure, particularly for very picky, very sophisticated or very set-in-their-ways people. This can cause major anxiety for those already predisposed to anxiety, stress and depression. Consider canceling gift exchanges, setting a spending limit or making it a white elephant exchange—whatever you think will make gifting less fraught.

Don't take a person's anxiety personally. They're not trying to ruin your fun, make you feel bad or get attention. (It's the opposite, in most cases.) You can't fix their anxiety, but you can understand that it is not voluntary and, yes, they'd prefer not to have to deal with it, either.

Anxiety can be exhausting, especially if a person is expected to be really on. If you want to help, make sure they know they're free to go lie down on your bed. Don't make it a big deal; just mention it. And don't go looking for them if they decide to avail themselves of private time.

If you notice your anxiety sufferer is becoming withdrawn, see if you can change the direction of a get-together and minimize the noise. Little by little, turn down the music. Pull doors to loud rooms closed or mostly closed. Wait to run the dishwasher. Ask video-game players to put on headphones.

Encourage lots of down time, especially if your anxiety sufferer will be with you for several days. Don't overschedule the sightseeing and restaurant tastings, the movies and viewing of lights. Have a list of things you can do spontaneously, if they're up for it. But otherwise, leave the days mostly obligation-free.

If part of your plans are gift exchanges, be specific about what you want—give a list of options in various price ranges. Your guest with anxiety wants to help out, but sometimes it's difficult to know how. Tell them you'd like help with the dishes or putting away Christmas decorations or stirring together punch ingredients for the New Year's Eve party. Make it clear. It's not being demanding; it's being helpful.

Perhaps you like to rush around and be in motion to get everything done. Those who suffer from anxiety might be less able to shift into high gear. Be patient with them. They're not dragging on purpose. They're possibly working harder (on the inside) than even you.

This might be your favorite time of year, but for those with anxiety and depression, there can be sadness in the upending of routines, the heightened emotions and the enormous expectations. That shouldn't ruin your enjoyment. At the same time, it's helpful to create space for sadness.

If a person with anxiety is opting out of an outing or event, don't insist that they go. Tell them it's OK if they change their minds, and then stick with your plans—minus one. Insisting they go only heightens anxiety. Yes, they might regret not going. No, nothing bad is going to happen. But it's not up to you to rationalize for them.

Keep advice to yourself, especially if you don't also experience anxiety or depression during the holidays. Essential oils, prescription medications and dietary changes are all bits of information that are great for you, but, unless you're specifically asked for suggestions, keep them to yourself.

Anxiety is not a moral failing. It's a neurological response to a variety of things, depending on the person. Don't judge people with anxiety, especially for their behaviors. They're doing what they can to get through a difficult situation, even though for you that same situation might be the greatest day of the year.

Your help and support don't go unnoticed. So, keep offering. But make sure you stop short of insisting. You might push away the person you're trying to help, instead of bringing them closer to your idea of a perfect holiday.

One way to connect with a person who has anxiety is to offer to exercise with them (if that's something they do to help ease their symptoms). Go to yoga, head out on a walk or run, or see if your gym has day passes for guests. Don't make it a big deal. But definitely offer, if you're moved to.

Offer good, healthy food to those with anxiety, too. Holidays can be one big meal after the next filled with carbs, desserts and alcohol. For meals between the big ones, make sure there are foods high in fiber, rich in vitamins and meals that don't leave them feeling bloated or icky.

Be sure to have lots of chilled water on hand, too. It feels better in general to stay hydrated. And feeling good can keep anxiety triggers at bay.

While you're knocking yourself out to support your friends or family with holiday-induced anxiety, make sure you're not giving up all focus on you. Get out there and have fun the way you want. Your friends and family don't want to feel as if they're a burden. It will actually make them happy to see you happy.

You'll have ups and downs as you try to support your friends and family with anxiety. Even if it was more downs than ups, your heart was in the right place. And you can try again next year. Knowing this isn't the end could ease the worst fears of those with anxiety.