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There is an unending list of things they tell you that will change once you’re a mom. You sleep less, and downtime becomes nonexistent. But why didn’t anyone talk about the changes to our sex life? No, we’re not talking about how frequently you do the deed. We’re talking about the reasons for painful sex.
If you’re among the 75% of women asking yourself, “Why does sex hurt all of a sudden,” or why sex is painful, you aren’t alone. We’ll cover why painful sex happens, what is dyspareunia and pelvic floor dysfunction, and when you should see your provider for treatment.
Why painful sex happens
There are quite a few reasons why painful sex happens, but let’s start out by talking about dyspareunia. According to Healthline, dyspareunia is the term for recurring pain in the genital area or within the pelvis during sexual intercourse.
Keep in mind that sex isn’t the only time dyspareunia can flare up. Some people even experience it when doing other things, like inserting a tampon. The painful sensation can happen during or after sex and can feel like a sharp pain similar to cramps when you have your period.
Causes of dyspareunia
The causes behind dyspareunia vary depending on when you’re experiencing the pain. According to the Mayo Clinic, some of the causes can be:
Emotional factors
History of abuse: If you’ve ever experienced emotional, mental, or physical abuse, the trauma can manifest physically. Because of past memories or experiences, different triggers can cause your body to shut down and not be receptive to someone else’s touch, less being intimate.
Stress and anxiety: Maybe it’s the first time you’ve had sex with this person, or maybe, it’s just been a while. Feeling anxiety about being intimate with someone can definitely mess with your mojo. Additionally, getting stressed out can physically cause your muscles to tense up.
Physical factors
Lubrication: A lack of lubrication is a physical factor that has both emotional and physical roots. It might be as simple as needing your partner to amp up the foreplay. It also can be affected by different medications or changes in hormones.
Injury, inflammation, or infection: Just like any other part of your body, when your pelvic region or genitals are injured, inflamed, or infected, they won’t operate optimally. Read as: Painful sex will happen.
Infections or other conditions: Anytime you have a UTI, (urinary tract infection) basically everything hurts. Additionally, there are other conditions like vaginismus, endometriosis, pelvic floor dysfunction (PFD), and more.
How dyspareunia symptoms are related to pelvic floor dysfunction
As previously mentioned, dyspareunia can be related to pelvic floor dysfunction (PFD). But what even is considered part of your pelvic floor?
“The pelvic floor is a system of muscles that supports the pelvic organs. Essentially the system acts as a sling to support your pelvic organs including the bladder, vagina, uterus, and rectum,” Dr. Amanda Olson, chief clinical officer of Intimate Rose,, told Mom.com.
Pelvic floor dysfunction (PFD)
All those pelvic organs are definitely impacted by pregnancy and childbirth. So it only makes sense that PFD might contribute to painful sex.
“The pelvic floor can be injured or dysfunctional for various reasons. Pregnancy, childbirth, chronic straining to urinate or have a bowel movement, changes in hormones, surgery, and cancer treatments can all lead to issues,” Dr. Olson explained.
While all moms’ bodies change during pregnancy, not all develop PFD. But for those who experience it, symptoms can vary. “I experienced a lot of PFD and pain postpartum,” Kelly Ann D., mom of three, previously told Mom.com. “Most of my symptoms were pressure in the pelvis, pain with intercourse, trouble holding my bladder, or losing control of my bladder.”
When to see a doctor to treat painful sex
The good news is if you are experiencing painful sex due to PFD, there are a few things you can do to strengthen your pelvic floor and keep it healthy. Yes, we’re talking Kegels.
“Performing exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor, abdomen, and hip muscles keep the pelvic floor muscles strong and healthy,” Dr. Olson advised. “To do this, it is important to coordinate the breathing pattern with the pelvic floor for optimal outcomes. Inhale and relax, exhale gently, and simultaneously imagine shutting off the flow of urine. Hold the kegel while exhaling for 3-5 seconds, then relax. Repeat 10 times, 3-4 times per day.”
Sometimes, regardless of the amount of Kegels you do, sex will still be painful. Dr. Olson recommends discussing any pain or symptoms with your doctor immediately. They may conduct tests, a pelvic exam, or refer you to a pelvic physical therapist.
